Like an eldritch god made of feathers and wrathful judgement, an African Grey can show you that Hollywood divas know nothing of beauty nor destruction. Perhaps, like this bird, you can learn to truly inspire love and fear. Failing that, this parrot can at least teach you how to rip apart small furniture and probably the dog if it gets too close.
PS: Please don't rip apart either the dog or any furniture. That's your grandma's quilt rack, damn it.