Fartmerch Tank Tops

Description: High fashion, low humor. A wide-tracked serif "FARTS" under the Maison FartMerch label, Edition Odeur, Paris, New York, The Elevator. A deadpan luxury-parody fart shirt that looks expensive and says something else. Original typography only, no real fashion house marks.

Description: FartMerch University, Department of Flatulence. Major: tooting. Minor: sharting. Honors: silent but deadly. Class of every day. A funny college-parody gift for graduates, professors with a sense of humor, and anyone with a lifetime degree in gas. Clean serif header, distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: FartMerch Diner, table 4. One burrito, one side of beans, two chili dogs, one regret. Total: one huge fart. Thank you, windows open. This receipt parody is a funny gift for diner regulars, foodies, and anyone who has ordered way too much. White paper-edge receipt with distressed finish and a barcode, designed for dark shirts. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: I FART in your general direction. Heavy, rounded, slightly worn lettering in white with FART in FartMerch green. A funny fart quote shirt for movie quote fans, sarcastic friends, dads and anyone who shares their gifts with the whole room. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: High mileage, no warranty. This service-department ticket shows the odometer, an expired warranty, a check engine light that is always on, and trust level for any fart: zero. At this age, every fart is a gamble. A funny birthday gift for anyone over 40, car guys, and dads with proudly broken engines. Distressed FartMerch green and white on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: On the first day of Fartmas my true love gave to me: a fart in a pear tree. And a second fart. And a third. This carol parody is a funny Christmas gift for white elephant swaps, office parties, and anyone who sings along too loudly. Clean serif header with big distressed FartMerch green and white type. Merry Fartmas to you and your cousins.

Description: Dad has earned it. This official Award of Excellence declares him the World's Best Farter (I mean Father) in distressed white and FartMerch green, complete with a certified seal and ribbon. The ultimate funny Father's Day gift, birthday gag, or just-because present for the dad who lets it rip with pride. Looks like a trophy, reads like a confession. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: Dad's daily schedule. 6:00 AM, wake up. 6:01 AM, first fart. 7:30 AM, commute with the windows up. Noon, lunch and a fart. 5:30 PM, home, sit, fart. 9:00 PM, bed, one last fart. All other times: also fart. A funny dad gift for Father's Day, birthdays, and Christmas. Timetable design in distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Dad's recliner has three settings: upright (acting interested), reclined (resting my eyes) and fully reclined (fart with confidence). Do not adjust while Dad is asleep. A funny fart shirt for the father, grandpa or husband who owns the best seat in the house and uses every setting. Great Father's Day, birthday, Christmas or gag gift for the dad who has everything. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: System audio, pants output. This level meter climbs from whisper to talk to shout to scream and hits clipping, because sometimes it really is a scream. Small print: I don't fart, I just whisper in my pants. A funny fart gift for musicians, gamers, sound engineers, and anyone whose volume knob is stuck. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark.

Description: In the unlikely event of a fart: remain seated, do not make eye contact, oxygen masks will not drop, breathe through your mouth, and locate your nearest window. Exits are located anywhere upwind. This airline safety card parody is a funny gift for frequent flyers, pilots, flight attendants, and travelers stuck in row 23. FartMerch Airways, white and green on dark.

Description: Giving a crap, current level: not a chance. This dial gauge sits at zero while the footer reports recent output: one fart. You're welcome. A funny sarcastic gift for people who have run out of patience, craps, and sometimes dignity. Works for the office, the gym, and family reunions. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Fart happens. This incident report logs the cause, the witnesses, and who to blame: the dog, obviously. Severity: loud. Deal with it. A funny office gift for people who can take a joke, supervisors with a sense of humor, and anyone who has ever had to file a report on their own gas. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark.

Description: Case number 1337, Court of Public Opinion. The dog did it. Charge: unauthorized gas. Evidence: a smell. Witnesses: none. The dog's alibi: was asleep. Verdict: blamed anyway. A funny court-docket gift for dog owners, pet lovers, and every family that blames the pet. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. The dog is innocent. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: If you can read this, it's already too late. A stealthy ninja strikes in a sword-ready stance while a glowing FartMerch green fart cloud with a skull and crossbones drifts out behind him. Distressed off-white and FM green on dark, made for the silent but deadly type. A funny ninja fart gift for gamers, dads, brothers, coworkers and anyone who strikes without warning. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Park rules: no farting. No exceptions. No sneaky ones. No blaming the dog. Violators will be smelled. This prohibition sign is a funny gift for parents, park rangers, and anyone who needs to lay down the law. By order of the FartMerch Parks Department. White and FM green with a distressed finish, designed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Gas leak. Evacuate. Step one, hold your breath. Step two, do not light a match. Step three, exit calmly. Step four, do not ask who. Assembly point: anywhere else. A funny emergency-sign fart gift for safety inspectors, coworkers, and anyone who just did the damage. Hazard stripes and distressed FartMerch green on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Warning: this person is the largest source of natural gas in the building. A hazard-identification diamond rates flammability, health risk, and reactivity, with production daily and the pipeline internal. No smoking. No matches. A funny fart gift for dads, engineers, oil and gas workers, and anyone who lights up a room the wrong way. Original FartMerch design. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Maximum capacity: eight persons or one fart. This elevator inspection plate reminds everyone in the car that gas takes up room. Inspected by nose. In case of fart, press all buttons. A funny elevator-sign gift for office workers, building inspectors, and anyone who has held their breath between floors. Bold white and FartMerch green type on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Player 1 has farted. Player 2 has left the game. Player 3 has left the game. Player 4 has left the game. Lobby cleared. GG, no rematch. A funny gamer shirt for the friend who clears the squad faster than any boss fight. Great Christmas, birthday or gag gift for gamers, boyfriends, brothers, dads and anyone who has ever ruined a co-op session. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: Born to fart. Forced to behave. This round badge with the FartMerch monogram is a funny confession for anyone who has to hold it in at work, church, or a first date. A funny gift for grown-ups stuck in polite company. White ring text and FM green accents, with the tagline gas-tastic gear for every rear. Made for dark shirts.

Description: Priority kiss, handle with care. This air-mail parcel carries one special delivery from my rear to your nose, complete with postage stamp, FartMerch heart, and a delivered-silently postmark. A funny fart gift for couples, Valentine's Day pranksters, and anyone who sends love through the ventilation system. Chevron border and distressed FM green on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Christmas party status: here for the snacks, not the carols. I only do the low notes. A funny Christmas party fart shirt by FartMerch.com.

Description: Automatic reply: thank you for your email. I am currently away from my desk, letting one rip. I will respond as soon as the air clears. Regards, not sorry. A funny out-of-office gift for remote workers, coworkers, managers, and anyone with a bad inbox. Email-window design in distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. Replies may take a while. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: This is my one festive shirt. It's already been farted in. Do not ask for another. Do not sniff. A funny Christmas fart shirt for the husband, dad or coworker who does the holiday dress code bare minimum, from office parties to family dinners. A great Christmas gag gift or stocking stuffer. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: Doors open at 5 AM and the beans are 50% off while gas lasts. This Black Friday doorbuster flyer comes with a strict limit of one fart per customer, no rain checks and no returns on gas. A funny fart shirt for shoppers who line up early, eat too much on Thanksgiving, and still go back for more. Great Black Friday, holiday or gag gift. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: Dear Santa, I can explain. Nice: no. Naughty: no. Gassy: yes. It was a silent night. Until it wasn't. A funny naughty list fart shirt and Christmas gag gift by FartMerch.com.

Description: Extra, extra. The Daily Gassette reports: local man denies everything. Witnesses report a smell, and the dog is blamed again. Photo: the dog (innocent). Price: one fart. A funny newspaper-parody gift for news junkies, journalists, and the person at every gathering who always says it was not me. Blackletter masthead in white and FartMerch green on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Frequently asked questions. Why? Just be farting. How often? Yes. When will it stop? No. Is that you? Always. This deadpan Q&A is the funniest way to answer everyone who asks. A funny fart gift for coworkers, friends, and anyone who just be farting. Big green FAQ with distressed white and FM green answers on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: If you can read this, you're in fart range. This crosshair scope reads out range 3 ft, wind south, target you, status armed. A funny fart gift for hunters, gamers, military humor fans, and anyone who tends to stand behind other people. Bold distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. Aim upwind. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Happy Fartentine's Day. Six candy hearts, six messages: Be mine (sorry). U gas me. True love stinks. Let's blow. Be my Valentoot. Silent but deadly. A funny Valentine's gift for couples, gag gifts, and anti-Valentine's friends. Conversation hearts in FartMerch green and white with a distressed finish, designed for dark shirts. Roses are red, violets are blue, I farted. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: TO: All staff. FROM: Management. RE: Conference Room B. It has come to our attention that something has been detected, and it was not the microwave fish. Action items: open a window, admit nothing, keep meetings short. A funny office fart shirt for coworkers, remote-work survivors and anyone who has ever cleared a meeting room. Great Secret Santa, work friend or white elephant gift. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: Last seen in the 4th floor elevator. Wanted for farting in public. Known associates: beans, chili, sprouts. Method of operation: silent, then deadly. Reward: one open window. Considered armed and gassy. A funny wanted-poster fart gift for the office suspect, the road-trip offender, and the friend who never admits it. Distressed FartMerch green and white on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Every hero needs a power. Yours is to fart and walk away. This classified personnel file lists the stats that matter: Stealth, Stench, Getaway Speed, Eye Contact, and zero Accountability. Known weakness: beans, elevators, honesty. Status: already gone. A funny superhero-style fart gift for coworkers, brothers, and anyone who strikes and disappears. Distressed FartMerch green on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Certified gas-tastic by the Bureau of Backdrafts. This official seal puts the FartMerch monogram in the center of a government-style stamp, with the store tagline: gas-tastic gear for every rear. A funny bureaucrat gift for civil servants, auditors, and anyone who loves paperwork and puns. Distressed white seal and FartMerch green text on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: An empty frame, a gallery placard, and the punchline: can't see it, that's the point. Untitled (Silent). Medium: methane on air. Credit: gift of the gentleman behind you. Please do not touch, please do not breathe. A funny gift for art lovers, museum docents, and anyone who finds modern art a bit gassy. FartMerch white and green on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.