Malort Pillows

Quench your thirst for dark humor with our Malört T-shirt featuring Rev Jim Jones cheekily suggesting to "Drink the Malört" This comedic twist combines irreverent wit with the legendary bitterness, making it a shirt that stands out for those who appreciate a taste of unconventional hilarity.

Malort: The Devil's gift to Chicago. One sip and you'll know HELL is REAL.

"Embrace the unique flavor of Chicago's Malort with our 'Malort Dad' classic tee. Whether you're a seasoned aficionado or a newcomer to its distinct taste, this shirt proudly displays your appreciation for the iconic spirit. Perfect for dads who savor life's unconventional pleasures, it's a stylish statement piece that celebrates the boldness and resilience inherent in the Malort experience. Wear it with pride and raise a glass to the adventurous spirit within."

Embrace the bitterness with our Malort Misfit line featuring the iconic Misfits Mr devil Lock himself! These designs pays homage to both Chicago's infamous spirit and punk rock culture. With bold graphics and a comfortable fit, it's the perfect attire for any daring soul ready to take on the unique flavor of Malort. Wear it proudly and join the rebellion against blandness. Stand out, embrace the bitter, and make a statement with every sip.

Indulge in the dark allure of Malört with our "Pure Evil" T-shirt. This shirt captures the essence of the notorious spirit, combining its uniquely bitter flavor with a touch of wicked style for those who dare to embrace the darker side of libation.

Unleash your rebellious spirit with our Malort-themed T-shirt, boldly adorned with the iconic black flag logo and the straightforward proclamation, "Malört Sucks." Perfect for those who appreciate a touch of irreverence, this shirt is a fearless statement against the notorious bitterness, turning a Chicago tradition into a symbol of defiance that's as bold as the city itself.

Celebrate the bold clash of flavors with our Malort-themed T-shirt featuring a hockey or maybe a lacrosse player graphic. As you gear up for the game or hit the town, showcase your fearless spirit both on and off the field with this shirt, embodying the resilience it takes to conquer both the competition and the unique taste of Chicago's legendary spirit.

Embrace the bitter truth with our Malort-themed T-shirt that boldly declares, "Worst. Decision. Ever." Crafted for those with a daring sense of humor, this shirt is the perfect way to share a laugh while commemorating the unforgettable experience of tasting Chicago's infamous spirit. Wear it with pride and let everyone know you've survived the challenge, turning the worst decision into a badge of honor.

Navigate the bold and bitter waters of Malört with our exclusive T-shirt featuring Admiral Akbar exclaiming, "It's a trap!" This clever design is a playful nod to the unexpected and distinctive experience of this legendary spirit, perfect for those who appreciate a taste adventure.

Take your sense of humor to new heights with our Malort-themed T-shirt featuring a flying monkey comically declaring membership in the "The Anti Malort League." This playful design not only pays homage to Chicago's unique spirit but also adds a whimsical touch, making it the perfect shirt for those who appreciate a blend of irreverence and Windy City charm.

Elevate your style with our Malort-inspired T-shirt, featuring a sleek design that fuses the unmistakable Lonsdale logo with the bold name of Malort and elements of the State Flag. This shirt seamlessly blends streetwear aesthetics with Windy City pride, offering a unique and fashionable way to showcase your taste for adventure and the legendary flavor of Chicago's infamous spirit.

Make a bold statement with our "Even the Vikings Hated Malort" T-shirt, a humorous ode to the legendary resilience of those who dare to savor this iconic Chicago spirit. Crafted from soft, comfortable fabric, this tee not only showcases your witty side but also pays homage to the adventurous spirit of the Windy City. Wear it proudly, and let the world know that even the Vikings couldn't handle the unique flavor of Malort – a true badge of honor for the brave souls who call Chicago home.

Embrace the bold and bitter legacy of Malört with our exclusive shirt that proudly declares, "Malört Made baby Jesus cry." Crafted with a touch of humor, this shirt is perfect for those who appreciate the unique and unforgettable taste of this iconic spirit.

Declare your taste adventure proudly with our Malort-themed T-shirt, boldly stating that it is in fact "Worse than Elvis Juice." This shirt combines the iconic charm of Chicago's notorious spirit with a humorous nod to the adventurous palate, making it a must-have for those who appreciate a touch of irreverence in their wardrobe.

Inject humor into your wardrobe with our Malort-themed T-shirt featuring a whimsical illustration of a cat playfully tossing its cookies, perfectly encapsulating the unexpected reaction to Chicago's famed spirit. This shirt not only showcases your adventurous taste buds but also adds a touch of feline mischief, making it a purr-fect conversation starter for those who appreciate the lighter side of sipping on Malort.

Add a playful twist to your wardrobe with our Malort-themed T-shirt featuring a quirky illustration of a meatball humorously expressing its reaction to the legendary Chicago spirit. This shirt is a lighthearted nod to the unforgettable taste of Malort, making it the perfect conversation starter for those who appreciate a dash of humor with their Windy City pride.

Introducing our 'Malort: Champagne of Pain' apparel, celebrating the bold spirit of Chicago's infamous liqueur. Embrace the bitter-sweet charm with our stylish range, perfect for those who dare to defy convention. From classic tees to hoodies, each piece embodies the resilient spirit of the Windy City. Wear it proudly and join the ranks of those who appreciate life's unexpected flavors. Toast to the adventurous journey with Malort – the Champagne of Pain.

After you've paid your respects to our fallen friend, remember your visit to the Roscoe Village Rat Hole and share the experience with all you meet.

Have you ever been asked to take a shot of Malört and just resigned yourself to the inevitable pain you know will follow? Then this shirt is for you. Here's to the grossest thing to come out of Chicago since Rod Blagojevich.

Even loons would order a Chicago Handshake. If it was safe to drink in bars, that is.

Just like the Chicago Handshake Loon but less surly!