DYSTOPOMART

Description: Welcome to the brave new future of animagenic hybrid support-platformed pet agents! Now with easy-kleen activated discharge bioports for on-the-go transfers!

Description: It's all a plot by the world government to keep us down!

Description: Test for radiation exposure; for use in conjunction with the "My Little Radiation Dose" Life Guesspectancy Planner!

Description: Now purged of infectious agents!

Description: Never go shoe-less again! As seen in the Dystopomart Survivorium catalog -- helps deter exit strategies!

Description: A no-frills statement piece to express your allegiance to one of the greatest surviving consumer brands.

Description: Let your surviving kin know that you're safe, for now...

Description: As seen in "D is for Dystopia Activity + Coloring Book"

Description: With less irritants than other painkillers, our blend of gympie gympie and milkweed delivers preferable taste and sedative imperturbation. Available at the Dystopomart Survivorium Maxi Catalog.

Description: Shrieking newborns attract bears and would-be ransomists; keep the kinkid safe and silent with delicious smoky vapors! Buy your now through the Dystopomart Survivorium Maxi Catalog!

Description: Chewy. 5 to 8 watts per bite. Available through the Dystopomart Survivorium Maxi Catalog.

Description: Just like Paw-paw used to eat before he died. Japanese Beetle larvae with authentic cinder flavor. Available through the Dystopomart Survivorium Maxi Catalog.

Description: An acceptable substitute for beef, pork, or chicken. Tastes like failure, but you should be happy to have any food at all.

Description: They're watching you eat, work, and sleep, all day and all night. You are never alone.

Description: A souvenir from one of the last remaning bands on tour across the radioactive musical landscape. If your ears aren't already bleeding, they will be soon!

Description: Choose your zone carefully, based on access to the Dystop-o-Mart Survivorium Compound!

Description: When you see this sign, you're guaranteed a good time!

Description: Tis the season for the treason! Spread some fiery cheer with holiday loot and looting.

Description: Celebrate your continued survival in Post-Pax-Americana style.

Description: You can say many things about the Dystop-o-Mart Survivorium. With this, you don't need to -- let us do the work.

Description: It's always an adventure at Dystop-o-Mart!

Description: Grab your last breath of fresh air™ at DYSTOP-O-MART™ Survivorium

Description: As a valued consumer, DYSTOP-O-MART™ knows you inside and out. Our algorithmic preauthoritization knows what you're craving before you do! —and points you to savvy, sanctioned purchasing.

Description: Shop now. Shop now. Shop now! Acquisition equals security.

Description: Although Dystopomart has more survivors than other stores, accidents do sometimes occur. Make the most out of tragedy, and buy a souvenir!

Description: Introducing the new Protkt Duo-Line, where safety is savory! Our delicious formulas pack a punch where it counts!

Description: Support your local retailer! Avoid the big box prison system--shop now!

Description: Remember when your parents were alive, and you could control their minds with electrical impulses? When they would obey your every command? Relive the glory of the before times with this lovely piece of nostalgia.

Description: Why end up with just memories, when you can have a souvenir garment as well?

Description: You can't spell "blast radius" without "rad" and "us"!

Description: A brainwashed employee is an effective employee.

Description: Every customer in line gets a complimentary tooth sharpening! Three teeth maximum. Breakage may occur.

Description: Line up for savings! Free organ replacement with every third purchase (conditions may apply)

Description: New, steam-powered computational devices will let you shop from the security of your own campsite!

Description: You'll fawn over these "digestible" sprouts! May not promote tooth decay.

Description: Sturdy metal frame with 100% welded joints survives drops from heights up to 15 meters.