TEXTUAL

Description: Anthony Bourdain Middle Finger

Description: I speak fluent sarcasm

Description: I put the “pro” in procrastinate

Description: I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow

Description: I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it

Description: I’m silently correcting your grammar

Description: I’m not lazy. I’m just on power-saving mode

Description: I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right

Description: I don’t rise and shine, I caffeinate and hope

Description: I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life

Description: Running late is my cardio

Description: Progress over perfection

Description: You don’t have to be perfect to be amazing

Description: You’ve survived 100% of your worst days

Description: One day or day one. You decide

Description: Don’t quit your daydream

Description: Chase progress, not people

Description: Be you, do you, for you

Description: Small steps every day

Description: Trust the timing of your life

Description: Make yourself proud

Description: Smile and zone out. Works every time.

Description: Sold out of niceness until further notice.

Description: If I’m quiet, I’m probably roasting you mentally.

Description: Blame the hour, not the human.

Description: Emotions not guaranteed until caffeine loaded.

Description: Triggered by stupidity.

Description: Don’t expect poker face professionalism.

Description: CAUTION: DONE WITH EVERYTHING

Description: Thoughts may leak without warning.

Description: No filter. No regrets.

Description: This is your sign to walk away.

Description: Small talk level: 0%. Exit strategy: loading…

Description: Approach only with snacks or coffee.

Description: No filter. No regrets.

Description: Brain at 400 tabs open. Please don’t add more.