Pillows
Description: "This big fat pig is beautiful." That's what you think every time you look back at your shiny adventure bike in a parking lot. Then you take it off road, and a protruding pebble sends you into a violent highside crash, fracturing your clavicle. Good luck with that big pig of a bike now, you might be better off just trying to eat it.
Description: We've all seen the people wearing the "native" Michigan shirts, but deep down we all know the truth. There are a select few that could really wear the native shirt, and the rest of us need to declare the truth by buying this shirt. Stop the lies, buy the shirt and let everyone know how you really got here.
Description: Remember that immaculate wheelie you pulled off? It felt like you were flying. The front wheel must've been at least 6 inches off the ground! Well, probably more like 3, and it was pretty frightening. If you're being honest with yourself, it was really a terrible mistake. You were riding through a quiet condo complex, Saturday morning after a nice breakfast of huevos rancheros. Then you spotted the car of your dreams, a Ford Probe GT, white, in pristine condition. You couldn't help but stare. While totally entranced in Probe zone, you didn't see the upcoming speed bump and hit it going well in excess of the posted condo complex's speed limit. Wheelie Time!!
Description: Oh, you just bought a GSXR 600, and want to get more power out of it? The easiest way is to crank up the number of teeth on the rear sprocket. Stock is 43 teeth? Better go with at least 300 on an aftermarket gold plated dealey. You'll have so much power at your disposal, you'll be pulling wheelies in neutral just from the oil spinning in your clutch basket. Top speed is overrated, 0-9.75mph is what really matters.
Description: Camping in a tent is the only way to camp. You get to experience the dirt and heat up close and personal. Potentially rabid wildlife that might have large teeth and/or claws? Don't worry, that nylon sweat lodge you're in will protect you. Either that or you will get to experience the wildlife up close and personal. It's all part of the adventure. Combine that with a motorcycle journey and you've nature'd it up about as much as possible. Nothing makes you experience the great outdoors like a grasshopper to the nose-hole at 60mph. Follow that with a mud bog that swallows your wheels quicker than a diet of sugar free gummy bears through the large intestine. Three cheers for Nature!
Description: Here are the questions you can expect to get when you own a KTM: "Nice bike, who makes it? Yeah, but who makes the KTM? Kawasaki? Can you explain it to me in terms of cars, guns, football teams, apple pie, obesity, or something else American so I can understand it?" "Where's Austria? Is it by Australia? Did you mean Australia?" "Nice Kawasaki."
Description: Wear this shirt while you travel to far off lands so you can point out to the natives where you are from. They'll smile kindly and nod even though they understood you the first time you said "America". Nobody cares that you're from Idaho, and you probably just took the conversation down a notch by trying to get them to understand based on a t-shirt that doesn't even have state lines.
Description: Wanderlust is an ancient German word that means "unhappy in a cubicle", and is an infectious disease that is transmitted through motorcycle exhaust fumes. Once infected, it is a terminal illness and leads to: Increased levels of Adrenaline and Dopamine, but drastically low levels of liquid assets.
Description: Do you own one of these extremely specific types of motorcycles? Yeah? So do a couple other people. If you all buy this shirt, maybe you can find each other and be best friends. Unsure of the specific type you own? Buy this shirt, wear it around and find out just how wrong you are.
Description: Everybody likes a good acronym. It's like a coded message that only other cool people like you will understand. In this case, only people that wear their armored motorcycle jumpsuit, helmet, boots and gloves just to adjust the bike's position in the garage will understand your message. They will undoubtedly give you a high-five in agreement, and when your fully gloved hands meet (because who pushes a grocery cart without gloves?) your eternal friendship will be sealed.
Description: If you're considering this shirt, some time must have passed since you've owned a "thumper". You've long forgotten the teeth shattering vibrations that travel up the handlebars and into your soul. You've forgiven it for ejecting critical screws and bolts along the route like it was trying to leave a breadcrumb trail for you to follow back home. And you've moved past it's prejudice speeds that would allow you to load it up and take it on the expressway. Commemorate your ex with this shirt.
Description: In medieval times, peasants used to wear only a small cast iron kettle turned upside down on their head as protection, when they would ride their pigs around town. The hog riders formed a tight bond, and wore pigskin vests that gave them an identity, but offered no more protection. Then the Knights came up with the bright, gaudy, hi-viz model of armor that was cumbersome, but provided much better protection and a sense of superiority over the lowly hog riders. They vowed to no longer rode swine, but upgraded to larger, beaked animals. They had local blacksmiths build crash-bars and iron boxes they could bolt to their animals, and they mounted countless torches and lanterns to the front to light their way. Thus was born the phr...
Description: Warning: This shirt is so full of Freedom, it may affect you in unintended ways. We are not responsible for your actions while wearing this shirt, no matter how free you think you are. While wearing this shirt to work, you are not free to do anything you want, like parking your bike inside your cubicle. While wearing this shirt at a black tie dinner party, you are not free to see if the chandelier will hold your weight. While wearing this shirt grocery shopping, you are not free to "sample" whatever you want. Especially not the rum...Todd, stop sampling the rum. Wear this shirt, and feel the freedom course through your veins, but enjoy it responsibly.
Description: If you know what a doohickey is, you should buy this shirt because you belong to a special group of people who are too poor to own nice bikes, but have enough time and tens of dollars to put into fixing something that might go wrong. If you don't know what a doohickey is, you should still buy this shirt, and come up with your own explanation of what it is, and how you fixed it. Also, see if you can get that person to buy your new patent-pending fix that you are selling, and send me only 10% of your profits.
