Oz9 Hats

Description: His opinions are starting to flow as freely as that mane.

Description: Not quite as wholesome as the Brady Bunch, but keeping it together for now.

Description: So many silly people, all in one place. Have we infiltrated YOUR ears yet?

Description: Cute AND smart and gradually realizing he's trapped with a bunch of idiots, our swamp-grazing zebra is starting to regret this voyage....

Description: Some phone cases take out too much of our adorable zebra's head. So we asked him to stand the other way.

Description: The perfect shirt to wear on those days when it just *is* your fault.

Description: 'It's "penguin," not "pingwing," and even your posh British accent can't save you here.' It's possible our Narrator suffers from a little professional jealousy...

Description: The corporate logo for the company behind the Oz ships.

Description: He's the ship's Public Relations guy. Or is he?

Description: She may look innocent, but the Oz 9's Artificial Intelligence will fry you where you stand or gas you with experimental aromatherapy... you won't like it.

Description: The famous French assassin's threat!

Description: He's pretty cranky at the best of times, but let's be honest: he's not exactly narrating the "best of times."

Description: You have Leet's Heroic Running shirt, now have a face-off in your dresser drawer with le Bichon Frise's Nefarious Running!

Description: An errant olive may have turned Colin into Colin-plus, but to the crew of the Oz 9, he's still the arrogant, annoying Colin he's always been.

Description: Former captain of the former 6748, Jessie James is not particularly fond of life aboard the Oz 9, but she's learning to survive.

Description: If you know a woman who fits this description, get her a tee shirt or a pillow. You'll probably live longer.

Description: Dense enough to survive in deep space without a shirt, our fearless hacker probably already knows your password.

Description: She's feisty but ever-so-much-fun. And if you say differently, I hope you have a really good panic room.

Description: Didn't quite finish Captain school but strives mightily to keep her idiot crew alive. Bubble-wrap enthusiast.

Description: Wear your "I have poor leisure-time judgement" proudly and declare yourself to be the space monkey you are.

Description: Join the crew on board the Oz 9 ... or just wear them on a shirt, which you're far more likely to survive.

Description: Oh, just figure it out.

Description: When the dude who narrates your story doesn't really like you all that much...

Description: Love is Love. Thanks to our amazing artist, Lucas Elliott, for this special Pride Month design. All proceeds to The Trevor Project. If you want a different background color, shout to [email protected]!

Description: He'd rather be narrating a nature special about rare equatorial polar bears or something, but he's making the best of it. When he's not sulking in his trailer....

Description: Our frequently grumbly Narrator doesn't have a ton of patience for the idiot crew of the Oz 9, but we love him anyway. For now.....

Description: When cordon bleu dreams become burger-flippin' realities, you've got to stay professional. Which he ... mostly does.

Description: Official MCCACEC garb from the College Bookstore now available for everyone! Dress up like Donna's fellow alma mater.

Description: Spoiler alert: it often is.

Description: Same day, same nonsense, says are oft-irritated Narrator. And yet, true professional, he shows up, hand over one ear, to appraise our listeners of the dumb stuff going on aboard the Oz 9.

Description: You know the saying, "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me"? Well, we'll have you! Join the proud ranks of the Oz 9 space monkeys, and you'll always have someone to eat lunch with.

Description: Can't you just hear Olivia saying this?

Description: The boring alarm on the Oz 9.

Description: Is there room on your chest for his? He is awfully well developed, as he'll happily tell you himself.

Description: Everyone's favorite French assassin.

Description: As deadly as she is gorgeous, the Albatros abides no malarky, nonsense, or off-brand condiments.