Sarcastic Sarcasm Clever Simple Hoodies

Allergic to Stupid People

Simple white letters on black background: "Fun at parties." You must be fun at parties! someone bleats, intending it as an insult. Why yes, in fact, I AM fun at parties you say smugly. There's no problem in knowing you're awesome.

Simple white letters on black background: "jean dream". Because you just know all the cool kids are jealous of your happenin' denim. You KNOW it.

Simple white letters on black background: "What a time to be alive and anxious." What's that cliche? That "may you live in interesting times" is an ancient curse? After the events of 2020 we may have some proof of that being true.

Simple white letters on black background: "I CHOOSE CHAOS". Hopefully you're chaotic good or at least chaotic neutral, not chaotic evil. Those people need to go through some things. But chaos can be creative, right?

Simple white letters on black background: "Pandemic achievement unlocked: Showered two days in a row." In these hellacious times, take the wins where you find them. Showered two days running? Trophy for you. It has a tiny little bronze coronavirus on top.

Simple white letters on black background: "Pandemic achievement unlocked: Only had two breakfasts." In these hellacious times, take the wins where you find them. Only had two breakfasts today? Trophy for you. It has a little bronze coronavirus on top.

Simple white letters on black background: "atrophy wife". No matter your past identity, after this last couple of years maybe you've given up a little. Nothing wrong with that. Celebrate it.

This is a thing you can buy, if you like.

Simple white letters on black background: "Born canceled." Keep expectations low and people won't expect much from you. Then you can do what you want. Genius.

This is something you can buy, if you like.

Simple white letters on black background: Making it up as I go. I hope you didn't think I know what I'm doing. There's a lot of winging it over here.

Simple white letters on black background: "kthnxbye". When you just can't any more, and you're done. Because "OK, thank you, we're done, bye now" is far too long.

Simple white letters on black background: "Wait, what?" Do you go through life in a constant state of anxiety? Is the world generally confusing to you? JOIN THE CLUB because there are a lot of us. Phew.

I'm Not Always A Smartass Sometimes I'm Asleep

Simple white letters on black background: "Y'all need science." Why do so many people think that facts change according to their opinions? They need science. Y'all, for real.

Simple white letters on black background: "petty". Do you hold a grudge - for years if necessary - and never forget a slight? You just might be petty. You might even be proud of it.

"The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Is That I Asked For Pizza" funny expression that will get your friends and family laughing.

Simple white letters on black background: "Can you speak up? I'm eavesdropping." Definitely tongue in cheek - or maybe not? If you're incurably curious and a complete gossip, may as well let people know.

Simple white letters on black background: "I have 12 secret herbs and spices." The cooking equivalent of "this goes up to 11" except this goes to 12. Which is, naturally, better.

Y'know, there's only so many times you can show people the science and the graphs and the facts if deplorables like Tucker Carlson are cynically telling lies every single day. Anti-vaxxers are a dying breed, but how great if they chose truth.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'll be nicer if you'll be smarter." So many people who just want to make up their own facts; it's ridiculous and aggravating. It's like people CHOOSE to be stupid. Gah.

This is a thing you can buy, if you like.

Simple white letters on black background: "don't read the comments". Just... don't. There are people who think their opinions are facts; there are trolls; the worst of humanity hangs out in the comments. Stay serene; avoid the comments.

"I Am A Lady With The Vocabulary Of A Well Educated Sailor" funny expression that will get your friends and family laughing. Perfect as a gift.

Simple white letters on black background: "manky wee bastard". When you just embrace your identity (maybe with some self-deprecating, tongue in cheek humor) and wear it with pride.

Simple white letters on black background: "MANKY WEE BASTARD". When you just embrace your identity (maybe with some self-deprecating, tongue in cheek humor) and wear it with pride.

Literally what it says on the tin. perfect as a cool present or for christmas or birthday.

A colorful design including the phrase 'PLEASE TELL ME MORE' in bold white text.

Simple white letters on black background: "Reclaiming my time." Frankly, we're all owed a bit of time, not just Maxine Waters. The last year or so have been surreal. Let me know if your claim works.

Clever Geek - I Was Gonna Tell A Time Travelling Joke But You Guys Didn't Like It

I Speak Fluent Sarcasm

"Due To Unfortunate Circumstances I Am Awake" funny expression that will get your friends and family laughing. Perfect as a gift.

"Sometimes I Have Inside Jokes With Myself" funny expression that will get your friends and family laughing. Perfect as a gift.

"This Is My 'Don't Want To Be Here' Shirt" funny expression that will get your friends and family laughing. Perfect as a gift.

All the cool t-shirt phrases you need, covered with one placeholder.