jkwatson5

Description: You've done an awesome job, Kevin

Description: "Funky" is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This is luxury.

Description: Alexis looked Chinese as an infant. How many times must I defend myself?!

Description: Marriage is hard. Being married to Mrs. Kim is the hardest thing I ever do. Very hard. Harder than store. Harder than Korea Army training.

Description: No such thing as a 6 knuckler, if there was I’d know about it.

Description: This right here broke me.

Description: I don't have to sneak attack if you clean attack.

Description: I suggest you let that one marinate.

Description: There’s millions of starving kids in the world...okay, name ten!

Description: Here’s a poem. Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.

Description: "Okay, don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth if you want to live."

Description: No. It's "Frajer." And I should know. I'm Frajer.

Description: I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey. Just not like this. And not on dry land.

Description: My name is Derek. I have wind chimes where my ding-dong should be.

Description: Remember, never take no cut-offs and hurry along as fast as you can.

Description: Clap Clap Clap Clap!!!

Description: I did not kill somebody. If I killed somebody, I do something cool, like move to Mexico and start a band.

Description: Go whoever!

Description: Dissents speak to a future age. It's not simply to say, ‘my colleagues are wrong and I would do it this way,’ but the greatest dissents do become court opinions.

Description: I have gaydar: 100 percent guarantee!

Description: Geography is the key, the crucial accident of birth. A piece of protein could be a snail, a sea lion, or a systems analyst, but it had to start somewhere. This is not science; it is merely metaphor. And the landscape in which the protein "starts" shapes its end as surely as bowls shape water.

Description: I want to make up my mind but I don't know myself.

Description: What is this ‘bad person?’ I mean, there’s Hitler and then there’s everybody else.

Description: The other day I was arranging coffee table books and magazines around my office. Somebody looked at me and said I was crazy but I have to have everything in a certain order or I can’t sleep at night

Description: But if nobody eats my chicken, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

Description: That is one gay lion.

Description: It's just that I'm not used to dressing like a plumberess. Is that what you call a female plumber or is a toilet sweep or, or clog wench? In any case, that's how I'm dressed.

Description: for the love of the sport

Description: It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or like someone on the Internet saying, "You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong."

Description: Do you like plants? Express them in a t-shirt!

Description: Specifically, big wake energy.

Description: Max likes your yabbos.

Description: Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

Description: I don't want to brag, but I've got a ton of experience with women being mad at me.

Description: Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That’s impossible.

Description: They're like kids but they don't leave clothes on the floor.