The Lavender Standard

Description: She ran. She screamed. She survived. Obviously, she’s the FINAL GIRL.

Description: Be careful what you wish for.

Description: Scream Queen

Description: A little witchcraft, a little innuendo, and absolutely no explanation for the uninitiated.

Description: Let's go shopping, I'll buy a handbag

Description: Why you so obsessed with me?

Description: Pull up to it Don't drive through it

Description: We all get hurt by love

Description: Fembots have feelings too.

Description: What am I to do with my life?

Description: Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Description: Serving Dolly-sized hair and even bigger life advice.

Description: There is no such thing as natural beauty

Description: Welcome to the Mayflower Kennel Club, where the competition is fierce, the grooming is flawless, and every dog is obviously a star.

Description: she tries to encourage vegetarianism.

Description: I'm the Mary, You'rethe Rhoda

Description: A full-on Monet: fabulous from across the room, a total disaster up close.

Description: Once a carnie, always a carnie

Description: Are you drying your nails, or do you have a question?

Description: Every scandal deserves good lighting and a six-part limited series. Until then, save it for the documentary.

Description: The steps are simple. The commitment is not. Hit the pose, serve the face, and when in doubt—GATHER.

Description: Air travel is stressful enough without having to correct Oprah.

Description: Two snaps, zero notes, and absolutely no appeal process.

Description: One monologue. Twelve thousand witnesses. Consider this your official notice that the lights are OUT in Georgia.

Description: CONDOMS, ROSE! CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!:

Description: Sweet dreams are for amateurs.

Description: Do you have some sort of businesswoman's special?

Description: Everybody’s working, honey.

Description: A groundbreaking businesswoman, a visionary, an inventor of office supplies. I invented Post-its—and frankly, you’re welcome.

Description: Feelings? I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them.

Description: For the girl who’s got beauty, ambition, and is obviously the most smartest. If you know, you know—and you probably brought your own talent costume.

Description: Fosse, Fosse, Fosse!—but you keep it all inside.

Description: A beauty queen, a parade float, and one extremely unfortunate baby. The Swan Ate My Baby celebrates small-town glamour, catastrophic pageantry, and the importance of keeping a safe distance from the float.

Description: Fashion may change, but some crimes against good taste are forever. Wear white after Labor Day at your own risk, darling.

Description: It doesn’t suck. It’s just aggressively glamorous, questionably tasteful, and making absolutely no apologies for either.

Description: Nothing says good manners like judging someone’s floral arrangements. Wear it to brunch, the garden club, or your next completely reasonable suburban meltdown.