Oz9

Description: Deadly with the decongestant, this assassin with the appalling French accent hitched a ride aboard the Oz 9. But what's his real purpose???

Description: Former captain of the former 6748, Jessie James is not particularly fond of life aboard the Oz 9, but she's learning to survive.

Description: Dense enough to survive in deep space without a shirt, our fearless hacker probably already knows your password.

Description: Didn't quite finish Captain school but strives mightily to keep her idiot crew alive. Bubble-wrap enthusiast.

Description: As deadly as she is gorgeous, the Albatros abides no malarky, nonsense, or off-brand condiments.

Description: So many silly people, all in one place. Have we infiltrated YOUR ears yet?

Description: The 9-compoops are actually 9 in number now, with the addition of le Bichon Frise (pretty sure that's FREE-ZAY) and the Albatros!

Description: This picture would never happen IRL because these two would never turn their backs on each other.

Description: Are you? Are you TRULY Oz 9 AF?

Description: Season one of the Oz 9 podcast on a shirt. The whole dang thing

Description: Joe mops up dead people. I don't think I'd let him make me a sandwich if I were you.

Description: Oh, and if all your friends wanted to jump off a cliff, I suppose you'd do that too?

Description: If you spill your coffee, no worries! Your mug has the disclaimer built right in ...

Description: 'It's "penguin," not "pingwing," and even your posh British accent can't save you here.' It's possible our Narrator suffers from a little professional jealousy...

Description: Declare your outerspace-simian affiliation with pride and maybe a coffee mug!

Description: Heroic running! Without scissors! (because no one and I mean NO ONE better put a pair of scissors in this boy's hands)

Description: Need a treat? Leet!

Description: More Leet for more happy.

Description: all the merch you could want with this guy on it!

Description: When cordon bleu dreams become burger-flippin' realities, you've got to stay professional. Which he ... mostly does.

Description: He'd rather be narrating a nature special about rare equatorial polar bears or something, but he's making the best of it. When he's not sulking in his trailer....

Description: Is there room on your chest for his? He is awfully well developed, as he'll happily tell you himself.

Description: You know the saying, "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me"? Well, we'll have you! Join the proud ranks of the Oz 9 space monkeys, and you'll always have someone to eat lunch with.

Description: Wear your "I have poor leisure-time judgement" proudly and declare yourself to be the space monkey you are.

Description: He may not be too bright, but he lines up nicely.

Description: Same day, same nonsense, says are oft-irritated Narrator. And yet, true professional, he shows up, hand over one ear, to appraise our listeners of the dumb stuff going on aboard the Oz 9.

Description: Our frequently grumbly Narrator doesn't have a ton of patience for the idiot crew of the Oz 9, but we love him anyway. For now.....

Description: Why does Joe always have his mop with him? Sandwiches.

Description: Feeling a little rumbly and lightheaded? Seeing six of things and wishing for the sweet release of unconsciousness? Well, we WARNED you....

Description: The perfect shirt to wear on those days when it just *is* your fault.

Description: Spoiler alert: it often is.

Description: Sweet and shirtless, our IT guy and password guesser extraordinaire would love to hang out with you. Literally, like he'd be hanging out WITH you.

Description: Need heroing? Never fear, Leet is on the way, as soon as he finds a shirt and figures out how to open the electric doors.

Description: Seriously, pretty sure standing in a straight line is the limit of this team's capabilities.

Description: You can't have a t-shirt without your two favorite assassins. Correction: you really shouldn't have a t-shirt without your two favorite assassins.

Description: Being awake and alert really isn't our jam, but if it's yours, here's a coffee mug to start your day. Better than some bored guy saying "alarm... alarm...."