Stupiditee

“This shirt is dry clean only which means.. it’s dirty” - Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

‘The fly was very close to being called a ‘land’ because that’s what it does half the time” - Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Complete with printed fly as a full-stop (period)

“I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don’t need a receipt for the donut. I give you the money and you give me the donut, end of transaction. We don’t need to’ bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a donut “ - Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

“I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don’t need a receipt for the donut. I give you the money and you give me the donut, end of transaction. We don’t need to’ bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a donut “ - Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

“I used to do drugs. I still do but I used to, too” - Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

“‘an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You should never see an ‘Escalator temporarily out of order’ sign, just ‘Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience’” - Mitch Hedburg (1968 - 2005)

“This shirt is dry clean only which means… it’s dirty” - Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)