Sarcastic Sarcasm Clever Simple Tapestries

Simple white letters on black background: "Well, at least you're not Matt Gaetz." Your life might be pretty bad right now, not arguing that. But it could be a lot worse. And that was true even before he was being investigated by the FBI. Ugh.

Simple white letters on black background: "Why yes, thank you, I AM fun at parties." Well, and why wouldn't you be?! You have that ukulele and you do a mean Conan O'Brien impression; what's not to like?!

A cheeky comment aimed at the not so bright ones.

Simple white letters on black background: "Why yes, thank you, I AM fun at parties." Well, and why wouldn't you be?! You have that ukulele and you do a mean Conan O'Brien impression; what's not to like?!

Simple white letters on black background: "At least you're not Matt Gaetz." Your life might be pretty bad right now, not arguing that. But it could be a lot worse. And that was true even before he was being investigated by the FBI. Ugh.

Simple white letters on black background: "Can you not?" Look, it's not much to ask. Sometimes everything's just annoying. Can you not? Thank you.

Simple white letters on black background: "If being gay was a choice, I'd choose to be gayer." Get along with you, Karen, and take your shrill nonsensical judgment with you.

This is a thing you can buy, if you like.

I am fluent in sarcasm, what languages do you speak?

I like people, the way i like my tea. In a bag. Underwater. version black text quote on white

Simple white letters on black background: "The line between self-care and self-destruction is a fine one." Take care of yourself, but don't go out the other side into complete indulgence. It's hard, particularly in a pandemic.

Simple white letters on black background: "I regret nothing." Not even that bad tattoo, that says "no regerts". Or "I refuse to sink" with an anchor. Yeah, it's bad. Still, keep moving forward.

Simple white letters on black background: "Silently judging your outfit." Is that what you're wearing to the thing?! Oh. OK. No, it's fine. Really! You look great!!

Simple white letters on black background: "I'm strong. Just not in the morning." Frankly this is all of us so you can keep this design for yourself, or give it freely as gifts. Personally I'm at full strength at about 5pm. For about 30 min.

Simple white letters on black background: "Sorry, not sorry." Because you're done apologizing (except for things when you're genuinely in the wrong but that's a) not what we're talking about and b) rare).

Y'know, there's only so many times you can show people the science and the graphs and the facts if deplorables like Tucker Carlson are cynically telling lies every single day. Anti-vaxxers are a dying breed, but how great if they chose truth.

Simple white letters on black background: "petty". Do you hold a grudge - for years if necessary - and never forget a slight? You just might be petty. You might even be proud of it.

Simple white letters on black background: Everything they say about me is true. Because you KNOW they're gossiping about me; I'm famous. Well, internet famous. Well, famous in my own mind.

This is something you can buy, if you like.

Simple white letters on black background: "This is fine." Yeah, there's a pandemic and nitwits won't wear masks, and there was a coup attempt, and the climate is warming, and - This is fine.

Simple white letters on black background: "Just wash yer damn legs." Did you know? SOME PEOPLE don't wash their legs. SOME PEOPLE don't even use a washcloth. Yeah, it's verging on heresy. But it's true. Be clean, y'all.

A classic portrait by the old master, Rubens, updated with a tongue in cheek caption in white letters: I HAVE SIMPLE TASTES. Of course you do, queen. That's a pretty basic ruff and you're only wearing, like, one crown.

Simple white letters on black background: "All things considered, I'm pro democracy." Yeah, democracy is better than autocracy. And better than fascism. And January 6 WAS an insurrection and it's time to defend democracy.

Simple white letters on black background: "JUST WASH YER DAMN LEGS". Did you know? SOME PEOPLE don't wash their legs. SOME PEOPLE don't even use a washcloth. Yeah, it's verging on heresy. But it's true. Be clean, y'all.

Simple white letters on black background: "All things considered, I'm pro democracy." Yeah, democracy is better than autocracy. And better than fascism. And January 6 WAS an insurrection and it's time to defend democracy.

Simple white letters on black background: "Silently judging your driving." Sheesh, learn to parallel park. Or at least use your blinker. FFS.

Simple white letters on black background: "FOFOMO: Fear of fear of missing out." You don't want to miss out. But you don't want to get too anxious about it either. FOFOMO is for the birds.

Simple white letters on black background: "My bad, fam." I knocked over the beer. I scraped your car. I accidentally elected Donald Trump. My bad, fam.

Simple white letters on black background: "Can you speak up? I'm eavesdropping." Definitely tongue in cheek - or maybe not? If you're incurably curious and a complete gossip, may as well let people know.

Simple white letters on black background: "Fun at parties." You must be fun at parties! someone bleats, intending it as an insult. Why yes, in fact, I AM fun at parties you say smugly. There's no problem in knowing you're awesome.

Allergic to Stupid People

Simple white letters on black background: "What a time to be alive and anxious." What's that cliche? That "may you live in interesting times" is an ancient curse? After the events of 2020 we may have some proof of that being true.

Simple white letters on black background: "jean dream". Because you just know all the cool kids are jealous of your happenin' denim. You KNOW it.

Simple white letters on black background: "You can think about some shush." So cheeky. You can think about some shush. ZIP IT.

Simple white letters on black background: "Pandemic achievement unlocked: Showered two days in a row." In these hellacious times, take the wins where you find them. Showered two days running? Trophy for you. It has a tiny little bronze coronavirus on top.

Simple white letters on black background: "Pandemic achievement unlocked: Only had two breakfasts." In these hellacious times, take the wins where you find them. Only had two breakfasts today? Trophy for you. It has a little bronze coronavirus on top.