Shorts
Description: You do not get off MoPac. You only get on. One merge, and then nothing after that. The signs promise exits. The road has never produced one. Everyone in every lane had somewhere to be. None of it survived the on-ramp. You were going somewhere. That was the last true thing about you.
MOPAC Shorts
$27
Description: Every city has a main street. Austin has a crime scene with a cover charge. DIRTY SIXTH pays tribute to the legendary stretch of 6th Street where bachelorette parties, cover bands, and questionable life choices converge nightly into one unholy frequency. Rendered here in full black-metal regalia, this design honors the sacred ritual of stepping over a puddle that definitely isn't water and pretending you didn't see what you just saw. Perfect attire for two-stepping, getting separated from your friend group, or explaining to your Uber driver why your shoes are wet.
Description: "Dangerously Skip Permissions" is the most dangerous thing ever written in a command line interface, and it deserved a shirt. This design pays tribute to the flag that separates the brave from the merely caffeinated, rendered in appropriately illegible death metal lettering with full giant lich king energy. For the developer who has stared into the abyss of an AI permissions prompt and chosen violence.
Description: BATS! BATS! Every sunset, the Congress Avenue Bridge in Austin, Texas unleashes roughly 1.5 million tiny winged agents of chaos into the evening sky, emerging en masse to terrorize mosquitoes, confuse tourists, and remind everyone who really runs this city after dark. Part local legend, part nightly spectacle, this design celebrates Austin’s most famous residents as they swarm out over Lady Bird Lake in gloriously dramatic fashion. Perfect for anyone who loves Austin, appreciates a little gothic exaggeration, or simply believes a city is better when it comes with its own airborne army.
Description: The heaviest sandwich in the South just got heavier. This shirt pays homage to the legendary Chicken Tender Sub from Publix, rendered in a grim, black-metal style complete with the official item SKU. It’s crispy, it’s spicy, and it’s totally illegible to anyone over the age of 50. The perfect attire for your next grocery run or mosh pit.
Description: The heaviest sandwich in the South just got heavier. This shirt pays homage to the legendary Chicken Tender Sub from Publix, rendered in a grim, black-metal style complete with the official item SKU. It’s crispy, it’s spicy, and it’s totally illegible to anyone over the age of 50. The perfect attire for your next grocery run or mosh pit.
Description: Witness the grim reality of a roast ruined in the fires of the abyss! We’ve taken the classic 'Steamed Hams' dialogue and reimagined it as a grindcore album cover, featuring Skinner and Chalmers as decaying ghouls feasting on fast food deceit. With a logo so spiky and illegible it violates health codes, this tee is the perfect attire for isometric exercises, Aurora Borealis sightings, or just disguising fast food as your own cooking. It’s delightfully devilish and absolutely BROOTAL.
Description: Imagine a dark and grainy wheat field, stalks bent by the sheer power of the gluten-free rebellion. At the top, a devilishly grinning baguette wields a lightning bolt as if it's the mighty Mjölnir, commanding the gluten-free thunder with delicious wheatless authority. Sprinkled around the battlefield are shattered bread crusts, smashed in the wake of the gluten-free revolution. It's not just a shirt; it's a gluten-free metal saga that's both menacing and worthy of a couple chuckles. Embrace the gluten-free brutality and let the world know that even in the world of metal, you don't mess with someone's dietary preferences!
Description: I love milk, I love cheese, but I've becoming a bit more lactose intolerant as I get older. My heart goes out to the cheeseless, milkless folks out there. This has the original LACTOSE INTOLERANT logo design, plus a gnarly ribcage illustration. This is the "milk white" variant of the design.
PREQUELS Shorts
$27
SHREK Shorts
$27
CLEVELAND Shorts
$27
