How am I choosing me? Is it in the first hot mug of coffee held gently in both my hands, warming fingertips, reassuring me that morning can be good? Is it in the quiet moments, the moments where finally I can stand the quiet, the moments where thinking and breathing are enough? Is it in watching the snow falling fast in late march, just watching it fly and swirl around, knowing that the world is chaos, but I can be my own security; I can be my own google maps.
I used to consume books. A weekly trip to the library saw me with a big old stack of novels filling up my arms. Life gets busy, though, and making time to read gets harder and harder. That's what struck me when I thought about this quote by Harper Lee. Reading is a practice, is something beautiful for me, is something I don't just want but need to give time to in my daily life. I hope we are all giving more time to the things that are as important to our souls as breathing.
Jane Eyre belongs to no one but herself. The problem was, I don't think she believed it for a very long time. I have obsessively read and re-read this story and I couldn't exactly figure out why. After all, it's not really a love story. It's the story (with deeply problematic elements) of a woman who is struggling with her self worth in the world, yet knows deep down inside herself that she is valuable, that she is important and she is strong. We don't always see the lying Mr Rochesters in our lives, nor the people they keep locked in the attics. I do hope we can all find ways to confront them though, and find our own agency in the light of day.
Anne Shirley here to remind us that tomorrow is a new day :)
I had the pleasure of reading Anne Of Green Gables for the first time when I was camping in Nova Scotia for the summer. I *always* read Anne as a queer character, even though I didn't quite have the language for it. I loved that Anne was as passionate about Arthurian legends as I was. And as dramatic. Also, my middle name is Anne. With an E. ❤️
Do you ever find it's harder to justify spending time and energy on non-work stuff, and need to remind yourself that your joy is just as important? Me too. I wrote a blog post about how I'm wading through it: https://bit.ly/3ByfxhQ
I am working towards letting go of the things that are out of my hands... even if that's incredibly hard to do. One aspect of anxiety is the powerful urge to try to be prepared for everything, to try to control things down to micro details.
This affirmation is for anyone who feel similarly. It is a reminder that we don't have to hold on so tightly to things that were never in our grasp in the first place:
I free my mind of what I cannot control.
When I am on an anxiety spiral, it can be incredibly hard to remember that the thoughts flying through my head are necessarily facts... that the worst case scenarios are not the actual scenarios... and most of all that being an anxious person doesn't make me a lesser person.
As the year is closing in, and winter is well drawn on, I'm thinking of the seeds I'm sewing for spring. What sorts of thoughts do you want to grow this coming year?
I want to grow more empathetic thoughts.
do you ever feel like you are just spinning your wheels? i sometimes struggle with this a lot. i think it's probably important to take moments to look back over the last year (month, week, honestly even day & hour) and recognize everything that *has* happened. those little steps add up to great movement.
i know i feel this especially when it comes to tasks that i have to do differently now as i become more accustomed to living with chronic pain. i'm trying to not just accept how i need to go about doing things, but lean into it.
My Sensitivity Makes Me Strong
How many times has someone weaponized your sensitivity? How many times have you been made to feel soft and breakable? Our capacity to feel things, to empathize, to notice and take things in is a great & important strength.