idreamofbubblegum

If other people get jealous because you're perfect - GOOD!

It was 1964. A short guy and another fellow with an afro released an album with the greatest title ever: "Wednesday Morning, 3AM". The first song on the album was about devil worship. The devil deposits his seeds in the short man's brain while he sleeps and the afro creeps. They believed the devil communicated to them through neon lights. This was the first artwork for the album cover but Sony rejected it because it looked like the CEO's sex pillow.

Are you tired of dustbunnies draining you of your vital essence? Do cobwebs rob your bones of their rich marrow? Has your desire to conquer the world or do the grocery shopping dwindled into a pathetic whimper? Let the Devil do it! He'll take care of your chores so you can get back to dominating whatever you think is important to dominated but probably isn't.

At last! Science and magic both agree on something: the observed facts support a "Grand Theory" that nobody is steering planet earth or the human race. Not even POTUS. This will be cause for celebration or despair depending on your Meyers-Briggs designation.

Have you ever wondered if the apocalypse is coming? And have you ever thought "I want a tee that indicates possibilities of the end times"? Sure you have. Now you can make it a reality.

Is beauty only skin deep? Yes. Look deeper, into the mystery and majesty that is nature's greatest creation: the intestinal tract, and marvel at her works.

Stop the devastating slander against this kind and sensitive creature, the Bigfoot. The only true thing the public knows about him is that his feet are big.

You want a description? It's just effin cool. I mean, look at it. C'mon.

From where he comes and to where he goes ... nobody knows. But we're there for him.

Some people need things spelled out for them. And some people just need your sexiness rubbed in their faces. Never apologize.

So hot your shirt will catch fire and you will become a youtube video.

If you want to make stack of paper, you gotta make like a little business man. In raybans.

Because hygiene is sexy, people. Bigfoot knows it and so do you.

Now You can be the winning half-man half-tiger you've fantasized about since babyhood.

They doubted him. But now THEY are doubted! (Ultimate revenge.)

If everyone's favorite hairy beast can burn his calories, so can you!

This shirt guaranteed to imbue the wearer with supernatural and terrifying power. Enemies will tremble, the opposite sex will swoon, etc.

How much grumpiness hath the Salty Sailor waged against the innocent? Far too much probably.

It is traditional for winners to be treated to chicken dinners, apparently.

Pierre, French-Canadian hero. The stuff of legend and folk songs with odd morbid lyrics that children are made to sing in the Canadian wilderness.

Well, he finally did it, despite what the talking heads on Cable Television predicted with their sneers and chortles.

He strikes me as an intellectual. Or perhaps a fishing Captain, full of hard-won knowledge of the sea and what it means to live and die. Perhaps.

This must be taken seriously as it is being said with a Rooster as spokesman.

For those who ever doubted the power of vikings or who doubted YOUR power while you wear a shirt with a viking on it, here's the real deal.

What's the worst that could happen?

Hotel California is overflowing with mega truth bombs.

Were beatniks the hipsters of yesteryear? Are you too young to know what a beatnik is? Does France really exist?