jpat6000

Description: Looks like I picked the wrong day to spontaneously combust.

Description: Normally our friends the cows don't make it to the spaceship. They get lasered apart with otherworldly precision, their vital organs removed, their reeking bloodless wounds left to rot until some poor rancher happens upon the scene to wonder what the fuck just happened. But maybe, just maybe, all this guy has to worry about it is a slender metal rod going up his b-hole. For science.

Description: Alien crabs attack a beach head.

Description: The perils of air travel, once upon a time, encompassed much more than baggage fees.

Description: Some things are hard to forgive, like when your bffs potentially eat one of your cousins. If you look close enough, you'll even find a horrified squirrel.

Description: The morning after the night you don't remember.

Description: Just a nice day out on the countryside.

Description: I don't know man. It's just a fat orangutan.

Description: What can I do to put you in this car today?

Description: She's a rodent ruler resigned to rigidly reigning over resentful royals and her rank-and-file fawning fanatical ferret followers alike.

Description: Yeah she's going to a death metal concert and won't be back till eleven. You got a problem with that, dad? Jeez. At least she's not pregnant. And that tattoo - it's only henna. For now.

Description: Rambunctious, double-jointed, spastic puppet who is in no way associated with a certain children's television program and enlists the help of small children for intravenous drug use, I guess.

Description: You got some bamboo to munch on and some trees to climb. You're doing okay. Thumbs up, bro,

Description: Sometimes a panda gets depressed. It's probably what kills their sex drive.

Description: This design asks the question 'what if our most trusted, beloved, and hopefully healthiest supreme court justice were a cow?' I don't know that the jurisprudence would change, but it may look a little something like this. (also available without portrait backdrop background)

Description: Crocodiles are famous for both their arms and their tears. And something called a death roll.

Description: Robots will take over the word one day, but first they need to find a sustainable power source. And an aux input jack.

Description: What if republicans were in charge of aid packages?

Description: Nothing fishy going on here. Fish-monstery, perhaps.

Description: Hostile robots and helicopters are a volatile mixture.

Description: Three piece glam rock outfit. All orangutans. Live in concert. On your chest.

Description: You fight long enough, you get to where Apollo Creed's trunks. Just stay away from towering Russians - Brigitte Nielsen is pumping them full of steroids.

Description: The ski mask is unnecessary if you have biological camouflage.

Description: It's been a hard stretch. Warden's tryin' to put me in solitary. The skinheads are gunnin' for me. My old lady ain't visitin' no more. I ain't gonna take it, kid. I ain't gonna take it no more. I'm makin' a break for it. Tonight. Ya with me?

Description: We've all had it, that soul crushing feeling you get when you have to leave behind the life of eluding cable tv monster hunters and photobombing wildlife tourists to take a corporate logging job because you knocked up your squatch girlfriend and now you've got to put food on the table for 3 because she doesn't want to quit school and her parents cut her off. Also, I think he kind of looks like Kelsey Grammer

Description: This auto-cannibalistic piggy just wants a taste of that sweet, sweet pork belly without putting any of his friends out. Why is he in the bathroom? Because that's where there's a big mirror, dummy, and a lock on the door.

Description: off to a meeting in her pantsuit.

Description: It's a dog. Dressed up like an astronaut.

Description: They don't all have their heads in the sand. Some of them want to start something.

Description: Who knows why he's so angry. Maybe he didn't want to wear the shirt his partner picked out from him. Maybe there was no full breakfast option. Does it matter? He's pissed. (Also available without portrait backdrop background)

Description: Higher res for wall art. Let me know if this is still too small.

Description: Head-banging, mosh-pitting, bass-pumping amphibian. But also just a real nice guy.

Description: Head-banging, mosh-pitting, bass-pumping amphibian. But also just a real nice guy. (also available without portrait backdrop background)

Description: When you're the best, you want to prove it against the best, even if they live 2000 meters below the surface of the ocean. No time for scuba lessons. Grab yourself a 1920s style diving rig and go.

Description: Get it? It's an angler fish. Normally I dislike puns, but that one was really good.

Description: Everybody should be able to express their opinion - even if they live in a bowl.