Description: LIFE IS JUST ONE DAMN THING AFTER ANOTHER. Words of resignation, frustration, exasperation. Go to school. Pay bills. Repair stuff. Car. Teeth. Body. Cook. Argue. Kids. Politics. In-laws. Outlaws. It's just one damn thing after another. Deal with it. And check on others. We're all in this together. It's going to be okay. Maybe. #lifedefinition #lifelessons #wordsofwisdom #lifequote #mindset
Description: The Styx Runners Club invites you to join. SIgn up and be assigned Bib #281. That stands for Proverbs 28:1 in the Bible. It says "The wicked run when no one is chasing them." Humorous gift for your favorite running obsessive. Trail runners, marathoners, and road runners included.
Description: WICKED GOOD RUNNER is for amateur runners, world class runners or anyone just running around in circles. Most are highly disciplined people. This slothful designer thinks they’re possessed. The 281 on the runner’s bib represents the Styx Road Runner’s Club. 281 refers to Proverbs 28:1. It suggests someone is running from something, or being chased by someone. Or Thing. Or Demon. When caught, they’ll have to deal with the punishment. In the knees. Or Hell. Which is what that last mile or kilometer probably feels like. If you’re not a wicked good runner but know one, think gifts for those possessed.
Description: Olive Oyl shouts what I and many other people think. WTF! What’s going on here? Has the world lost its mind. WTF. A straight forward statement for today’s times. Shout it out. It'd be good for your mental health. Help with the mess. This is ha ha design for not so funny times. Yeesh. See my web page peterjketchum.
Description: For those with landlines, old flip phones or infuriating, utterly confusing new cell phones, here is a simple idea for a DIY phone. Perfect for the elderly, the technically challenged or a five year old. The do-it-youself plan is printed on wearables, mugs, totes, stickers, magnets, pillows and a bunch of other stuff. Offer to help with assembly as an added bonus. Order now before the world hangs up. Sorry, no calls.
Description: This bold graphic is inspired by a line from T. S. Eliot's poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." Duane Allman of the Allman Brothers was asked how he was helping the revolution. He said, “There ain’t no revolution, only evolution, but every time I’m in Georgia I ‘eat a peach’ for peace.” Allman quoted part of a line from Eliot's poem. It said, "Do I dare to eat a peach?” It's a metaphor for life. Eat it when it's young before old age spoils it. You might drip peach juice on your new dress or pants, but so what! Take the chance. Life can get messy. It can be sour or sweet. Risk it! Bite into it. Dare to eat the damn peach! If nothing more, eat it for peace! Evolve.
Description: Having a bad day? A moan day or a wails day? This design on tees, mugs and other stuff will cheer you up. Just say James Joyce’s words out loud. Shout the words. Loud. Pound your chest. Hard. Weep copiously. See. It worked! The design adapts a photo of James Joyce and pairs it with his iconic days of the week from “Finnegans Wake.” He called the work “a nightmaze.” Read it and see why. Do it this Frightday. Know an English major? This would be a perfect gift. Or a Burthday present?
Description: The humanities are in danger of extinction. They are an endangered species. Our society has much more interest in technology and the science. Without the humanities, where will wisdom come from? A robot? Margery Taylor Green? The religious right? Yikes! Save the pandas, and the humanities!
Description: Hunting for someone yummy? Who needs OKCupid,Tinder, or Grindr when there's a tee or hoodie with this clear message, Cupcake? Thick, creamy icing with a cherry on top. Sweet. And if you're a male Cupcake, by dictionary definition soft and sweet, good luck with your hunt for a Studmuffin, too. It takes all flavors to make the world interesting. Also available on pillows, tanks, magnets, etc. Hope your search is a piece of cake! See my fine art on Artspan, www.peterjketchum.com But buy your tee or sticker first. Thanks.
Description: If you haven' been to work lately because of covid, a hangover or something, here's a new top to wear as part of your back to office or school outfit. I don't know what kind of place you work in, but if it's cool, just wear the tee and a large leaf of your own choosing. Also available on hoodies, tanks, etc. On mugs, pillows, magnets too. Order two tees and use the second one like a kilt. Set a new fashion trend.
Description: DUMB PHONE is a new design available on a variety of products. Buy something for anyone addicted to their smartphone. Smartphones have turned us into compulsive communicators. Smartphones are Intruders, Destroyers, Spies, Control Freaks. Our phones are smarter than we are. We are a stupid species with smart phones, says the neuroscientist Abhijit Naskar. But I rant. And it would be dumb to give up my smartphone. I loved my old heavy black, dumb phone. You could slam the receiver down. Can’t slam a smartphone down. It is too fragile. A fragile, electronic nerd. Honor dumb phones. Buy a tee. Or mug. Thanks.
Description: A great motivational gift for you or your favorite gym rat. Gymnastics or any exercise is fantastic for your health and wellbeing. Move, grove, improve. Hustle for the muscle. Exercise or exorcise? You decide. Buy a mug or pillow as a reward for all your hard work. Get the tapestry and hang it where you exercise to remind you why you are doing what you are doing. After you buy stuff on Teepublic, see my fine art print on Artspan, www.peterjketchum.com. Thanks!
Description: MARTIAN WARNING is a design on shirts, phone cases (call home) and stuff. Can you blame the Martians for not wanting us. Look at what we've done to our own planet. And all our wars. Who needs it. Certainly not the Martians. Or so I was told in a recent visit. (BTW They ARE green.) Sure, at the moment travel to Mars is a red hot dream. But wake up. I repeat. They don't want us. What about Planet Hollywood. It would seem a better choice in this day and age. Or the Pengheng Space Capsules Hotel in China. But then they probably don’t want you either. Yeesh. After you buy gifts in my Ketchum Art store, check out my art prints on Artspan, www.peterjketchum.com. Thanks. Earthling!
Description: SCAREDY- CATS is a design on shirts, pillows and stuff. And aren't we all Scaredy-Cats. What with the Earth having used up at least six and a half of its nine lives and everyone but Rhode Island having nuclear missiles. Yikes. Get a tee shirt or something in my store even if you aren’t scared. (But, you should be. Very very scared.) Then go see my fine art on Artspan (www.peterjketchum.com) to get a signed print of the scaredy-cats. Thanks.
Description: WISE UP EARTHLINGS is a plea to everyone from this fierce owl. Wise up. Yes, you. And you and you. Be EcoWise. Green wise. Save water wise. Zero waste wise. All of that and then some. Available on tee shirts, magnets, stickers, pillows and stuff to wear or give as gifts for like-minded friends of the Earth. Spread the word! Thanks.
Description: Gifts for people annoyed with rigid standards of beauty. Sometimes to be proper and beautiful by public opinion, you shave the legs, the pits. The mustache. But for what? THIS?!? What a waste of time. You could’ve been sitting home with the cats and bingeing on Häagen-Dazs with Piper Chapman or Rick and Morty. You could’ve finally finished the scrapbook, or tuned up your Harley Softail.But no. You cleaned yourself up and went out. For what? This! Yikes! Find the bold design on mugs, magnets, wall hangings,etc. Get gists here for you and your friends. Then go see my Fine Art here www.peterjketchum.com. Thanks!
Description: Biden in a debate with Thump said to the Orange-Skinned Man, “Will you shut up man.” Like 62% of Americans in a poll, you might feel that way too, particularly about people in guvment. Imagine if you were the powerful woman pictured and got to shut up McCarthy, Manchin, Greene, Cruz, Sinema, and the whole crew at Fox News. Tell them to shut the, you know, up. Not another word. Not one! The words can also be used needed on people who bug you. For example, if a woman wanted to say it to a guy, she could just wear the tee. It's the easy way out. Buy a tee and let it do the talking! The design is on magnets, stickers and a bunch of gift-able items. Go pick something out. Thanks.
Description: COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES is a bold design on shirts, stickers, totes, etc. It’s about not sticking to the rules. Wear the tee and declare your independence. Give Color Outside the Lines as a gift on mugs or pillows to your friends who also break the rules. Or who don’t, and should. “You have to color outside the lines once in a while if you want to make your life a masterpiece.” That’s what the scientist Albert Einstein said. And he was a pretty smart dude. Order now. It’s the smart thing to do.
Description: President Woodrow Wilson kept a flock of 48 sheep on the White House Lawn. Their manure was used as a fertilizer. Manure. Washington. These two words go together and inspired my SHEEP: CHEAP SHIT design adapted from an old newspaper ad for my satirical art on hoodies, stickers, and stuff. Express your displeasure with the bullshit in Washington. Bah! Talk is cheap. Let’s see some action! Buy a tee shirt or a mug and spread the word. Thanks. Oh, and if you visit the Capitol watch where you step.
Description: This tongue in cheek graphic on tees, pillows and stuff is a simple motivational beauty guide for your complete metamorphous. Granted it involves an icky larva stage, but then you get to sleep in late and wake up as beautiful as a butterfly. What’s not to like? Beauty’s big in 2022. Ugly is out. Buy gallons of youth serums. Get cheek implants. Puff up those weak lips with silicone. Raise your forehead. Lower your ass. Eat to the point of malnutrition. Dye the gray. Be anchor-lady blonde. Be who you aren’t. Be a caterpillar with the promise of butterfly beauteousness. If you have a friend in need of beauty tips, this design is a perfect gift. you know it’s a joke, right? A tad sci-fi-ish. BTW, this advice is for any gender.
Description: I’m here with Free Advice to help in these trying times when you might be distracted and a bit careless. DIVE CAREFULLY is the Free Advice. It’s on all manner of products including tees, hoodies, pillows, and magnets. The idea is from an early 20th Century cigarette trade card which were like today’s bubblegum or Super Hero trading cards. What does the advice mean? It means look before you leap. Know if you’re getting in over your head. Are there sharks close by. Or alligators? Know before you dive! The design is also available as an 8x6 print in a signed edition of ten. Find it in my fine art gallery on Artspan: www.peterjketchum.com. But buy gifts or self-rewards first here in my store. Thanks. And dive carefully.
Description: Perfect for artists, this design's adapted from physiognomy, or face reading. The image is on tees, pillows and a bunch of stuff in my store. Physiognomy is the belief that a face reveals the personality behind it. The idea goes back 500 years to Pythagoras who picked his math students by what he saw in their faces. Physiognomy is palm reading but with faces. And every bit as scientific. So, if your forehead is high and broad like this one, you have an artistic personality. It shows intelligence and an affinity for the arts. You’re a high brow. I, BTW, have a high forehead. Buy gifts or self-rewards here in my shop. Then see my fine art on Artspan, www.peterjketchum.com. Thanks.
Description: Enough already! Covoid! Climate change! Inflation! Time for a little joy. Or big JOY as shown in my pop art Beethoven. I stole the main image from Joseph Karl Stieler’s famous portrait of Beethoven. In Steiler’s work LVB looks grumpy as hell. So I gave him a smile. It’s more in keeping with the Joy I was after The kind sung about in Ode to Joy from Beethoven’s famous symphony. Joyful joyful it says. Listen and be joyful. I’m not the only one btw to highjack Stieler’s work. Andy Warhol did too. But his Beethoven portrait sold for $370,964,000. And mine? Yours for obscenely low prices on tees, magnets, mugs and stuff in my shop. Buy some. I will be joyfully thankful. (FYI, my fine art can be seen on artspan www.peterjketchum.com)
Description: Here's bloody good Free Advice for people intent on living mindfully and well. Or just plain living. Give 100% in everything you do, but not always. This motivational, life-saving design is on mugs, tees, hoodies, pillows, magnets and a whole bunch of stuff. Inexpensive gifts with a message everyone should follow. Wear it when you give blood, or give an appreciative mug to a person working in a blood donation center. Or just give it to a an overachieving friend. And do give blood. But sensibly.
Description: A little fashion rudeness to wear for lunch with the boss, or a blunt statement for your coffee mug at the next PTA. Lets people know not to mess with YOU! Perfect for a bad mood day or an amusing gift for any occasion where truth must be told. Buy a pillow and put it next to you on a couch. Clean the house? Mow the lawn? Kiss my ass.
Description: If you're always right, this is your shirt...or mug, pillow etc. To be so often right is not egotistic. It is simple fact. It's knowledge with attitude. Be blunt and admit it. You are a smartass and proud of it. Good gift for a smartass friend, too. From award-winning artist Peter J. Ketchum. See www.peterjketchum.com
Description: An ANTIKA (anti-kale) gift for you and your meat-eating friends. Kind of morbid, eating people, but kale and green cleanses are deadly, too. The adapted quote is from singer-songwriter Ted Nugent who said, “Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians--except for the occasional mountain lion steak.“ We jest, of course. Don’t go eating any vegetarians. Stick with free-range mountain lion steaks. The anti-veggie design is on tees, pillows mugs and magnets. Order something for the meat eater in your life. Or something for yourself. P.S. Seriously though, do eat meat and fish in moderation. Better for your health, and the planet.
Description: We’re headed to a Meta Universe—a metaverse. A place of multidimensional connective experience. A digitally created, pretend world! Well, I’m not going. I want to be right here in the real world having live, actual, immersive experiences. Sure, I am all for scientific advances. But not tech that contributes to more dehumanizing and more disconnection. Alternate reality? Metaverses? You won’t find me there. I am Meta ADverse. Join me and the MA’s. Become a Meta ADverser. Cast off the chains of Tech Totalitarianism! Set yourself free! Save the world.
Description: NVME. Alas, admit it. You are green with envy even if It is a sin. What the hell, that’s your friend wearing NVME. The friend’s great. An egomaniac maybe, but great. This gift on a tee or mug or pillow is a way to say you agree with the envy thing because there is reasonable cause for the friend to be envied. So stylish. So smart. So great to look at. So rich. Enviable. Or, you could gift yourself since, you know, everyone does NVU. As well they should.
Description: Are males overrated? This design on apparel and other gifts makes a proclamation in the affirmative. Sure, men have their good points. Like the sperm thing if you want to make a baby. You can probably think of other plusses. Work on it. In the meantime, place an order. The enjoyment derived from your purchase cannot be overrated. For fine art, see myweb page: www.peterjketchum.com on Artspan.
Description: So like the witch we're melting. In the West. And the East. Even Portland Oregon. Yikes. Baked. Roasted. Hotter than hell. So bake a cake. RIGHT ON THE SIDEWALK. No oven needed. Frost it. FROST! You'll need cold ice cream as a go with. Mother nature's reward for her nasty heat snit. See my finer art on Artspan: www.peterjketchum.com
Description: A new design made with a vintage tattoo and a truthful motto. It’s available on apparel, mugs, pillows and stuff. Wear it on your yacht, aircraft carrier or for white water rafting in your tub. Buy one for cruising, or watching old episodes of the Love Boat. Everything offered in my store, www.teepublic.com/ketchumart. Then look at my fine, very expensive art on my Artspan gallery www.peterjektchum.com . Thanks mate. And God Bless the USA.
Description: Four letter golf F words? Flag. Fore. And the forbidden one. It rhymes with puck. Oh. Wait. That's another game. Here's a bold golfer gift for fairway amateurs, I mean REALLY amateur. So reward themwith a tee or mug for trying. Funny design. But not really if you are the curser. Nothing is funny about golf!
Description: This attractive duo washed their fashion-forward fig leaves in the Euphrates River and hung them in the sun to dry. By not wearing clothes they create almost no laundry. Fewer laundry loads mean fewer bits of plastic and chemicals in the ocean and less carbon dioxide in the air. Take their example to heart. Go naked. Save the Earth. The naked truth is it will make a difference. BUT, you will still need a tee shirt or hoodie for an emergency run to Walmart. Buy several, and a pillow to sit on and mug to sip from. And a magnet for when metal's invented. Doesn't that breeze feel wonderful on your skin!
