Truth Bomb Tees

Description: A tired-but-tough nurse and her Christmas Eve shift log, counting down from 12 hours on her feet to one sweet "thank you, nurse." For every nurse running on candy canes and caffeine this holiday season.

Description: Some people are like old computers: you have to restart them a few times before they get the dang picture. Bold white retro type with a little vintage monitor, made for dark shirts.

Description: PROUD OWNER OF A DD 214. Everything else was issued. This I earned. Tour of duty: completed. Character of service: honorable. Pride: never discharged. Signature of veteran: worth every day. Stamped SEPARATED WITH HONOR. A bold vintage stencil tee with a hand-drawn American flag for every veteran who kept the one piece of paper that mattered. Great for Veterans Day, retirements, and dads and grandpas who served. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: PROUD OWNER OF A DD 214. Everything else was issued. This I earned. Tour of duty: completed. Character of service: honorable. Pride: never discharged. Signature of veteran: worth every day. Stamped SEPARATED WITH HONOR. A bold vintage stencil tee with a hand-drawn American flag for every veteran who kept the one piece of paper that mattered. Great for Veterans Day, retirements, and dads and grandpas who served. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: RECEPTION REPAIR • NO APPOINTMENT NEEDED. I handle people the way Grandpa handled the old TV: a few good smacks on the side and they finally get the f*cking picture. Stubborn cases may need a second smack. A bold vintage text tee with retro color bars for anyone who fixes things the old way. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: RECEPTION REPAIR • NO APPOINTMENT NEEDED. I handle people the way Grandpa handled the old TV: a few good smacks on the side and they finally get the f*cking picture. Stubborn cases may need a second smack. A bold vintage text tee with retro color bars for anyone who fixes things the old way. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: THE 12 SHIFTS OF CHRISTMAS ... my charge nurse gave to me: 12 pumps a-beeping, 11 charts unfinished, 10 “quick questions,” 9 bed alarms blaring, 8 meds all due at 0900, 7 cups of coffee gone cold, 6 family members hovering, 5 golden bedpans, 4 full-moon admissions, 3 double shifts, 2 gloves left (size XS), and a nurse who hasn’t peed since 0700! A vintage Christmas countdown with a string of lights, holly and a stethoscope wreath for every nurse working the holidays. Great for unit parties, Secret Santa and nurse gifts. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: THE 12 SHIFTS OF CHRISTMAS ... my charge nurse gave to me: 12 pumps a-beeping, 11 charts unfinished, 10 “quick questions,” 9 bed alarms blaring, 8 meds all due at 0900, 7 cups of coffee gone cold, 6 family members hovering, 5 golden bedpans, 4 full-moon admissions, 3 double shifts, 2 gloves left (size XS), and a nurse who hasn’t peed since 0700! A vintage Christmas countdown with a string of lights, holly and a stethoscope wreath for every nurse working the holidays. Great for unit parties, Secret Santa and nurse gifts. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: ISSUED IN SERVICE • NO RETURNS. VETERAN INVENTORY. Coffee, black: bottomless. “Say again?”: hourly. Knees that forecast rain: 2. Early arrival: 15 min minimum. 24-hour clock: permanent. Excuses accepted: 0. Brothers & sisters: for life. Pride: no limit. All items issued, none returned. Dog tags over a worn, waving American flag. A vintage stencil checklist for every veteran who came home with a few extra things and kept every one of them. Great for Veterans Day, retirements, and dads and grandpas who served. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: ISSUED IN SERVICE • NO RETURNS. VETERAN INVENTORY. Coffee, black: bottomless. “Say again?”: hourly. Knees that forecast rain: 2. Early arrival: 15 min minimum. 24-hour clock: permanent. Excuses accepted: 0. Brothers & sisters: for life. Pride: no limit. All items issued, none returned. Dog tags over a worn, waving American flag. A vintage stencil checklist for every veteran who came home with a few extra things and kept every one of them. Great for Veterans Day, retirements, and dads and grandpas who served. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: OFFENSE SCHEDULE • NOW IN PROGRESS. I’m offending everyone in alphabetical order. A through L: done. Currently working on: the M’s (you are here). N through Z: wait your turn. Hang tight. I’m only on the M’s. Your offense is important to us. A bold, vintage sarcastic tee for anyone who is getting to everybody, eventually, in order. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: OFFENSE SCHEDULE • NOW IN PROGRESS. I’m offending everyone in alphabetical order. A through L: done. Currently working on: the M’s (you are here). N through Z: wait your turn. Hang tight. I’m only on the M’s. Your offense is important to us. A bold, vintage sarcastic tee for anyone who is getting to everybody, eventually, in order. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: GOD MADE ME ON DAY SIX. Light, sky, land, stars, fish, me (very good), rest. On day seven, He rested. I’m a lot. “And He rested on the seventh day” (Genesis 2:2). Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14 KJV). A confident, good-natured creation-week joke for anyone who knows they were made on purpose and takes some getting used to. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: GOD MADE ME ON DAY SIX. Light, sky, land, stars, fish, me (very good), rest. On day seven, He rested. I’m a lot. “And He rested on the seventh day” (Genesis 2:2). Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14 KJV). A confident, good-natured creation-week joke for anyone who knows they were made on purpose and takes some getting used to. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: HOSTING • THURSDAY, NOV 26. THANKSGIVING HOST. Cleaned 9 rooms for this. The floor plan at 4:15 PM: living room vacuumed, lines perfect, guests: 0. Dining: 0. Guest bath, fancy towels: do not touch. Kitchen: 23. Rooms deep-cleaned: 9. Fancy guest towels used: 0, as intended. Kitchen size: 10 by 12. People standing in it: all 23. Cleaned the whole house. Everybody stood in the kitchen. Living room: unvisited. For every host who scrubbed the whole house and hosted the party in the one room nobody else could fit in. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: HOSTING • THURSDAY, NOV 26. THANKSGIVING HOST. Cleaned 9 rooms for this. The floor plan at 4:15 PM: living room vacuumed, lines perfect, guests: 0. Dining: 0. Guest bath, fancy towels: do not touch. Kitchen: 23. Rooms deep-cleaned: 9. Fancy guest towels used: 0, as intended. Kitchen size: 10 by 12. People standing in it: all 23. Cleaned the whole house. Everybody stood in the kitchen. Living room: unvisited. For every host who scrubbed the whole house and hosted the party in the one room nobody else could fit in. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: PEDIATRICS • PAIN ASSESSMENT. PEDS NURSE. On a scale of 0 to 10... Please rate your pain: a 0 to 10 scale from no pain to worst pain, and off the end, a purple crayon scribble labeled PURPLE. “Which number is purple?” Patient age: 4. Pain scale offered: 0 to 10. Stickers negotiated: 3, plus one for his brother. Mom’s pain level: 11. Asked him to rate his pain 0 to 10. He said “purple.” Charted as: purple. For every peds nurse who has charted an answer that wasn’t on the scale. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: PEDIATRICS • PAIN ASSESSMENT. PEDS NURSE. On a scale of 0 to 10... Please rate your pain: a 0 to 10 scale from no pain to worst pain, and off the end, a purple crayon scribble labeled PURPLE. “Which number is purple?” Patient age: 4. Pain scale offered: 0 to 10. Stickers negotiated: 3, plus one for his brother. Mom’s pain level: 11. Asked him to rate his pain 0 to 10. He said “purple.” Charted as: purple. For every peds nurse who has charted an answer that wasn’t on the scale. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: FORGIVENESS • KEEPING COUNT. SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. “Until seventy times seven” (KJV). A hand counter clicked to 0489 for my brother, next to the Matt. 18:22 math: 70 x 7 = 490; my truck, 212; the casserole dish, 1; everything else, 276; remaining: 1. (Pretty sure that’s not the point.) Times to forgive, per Peter: seven. Times, per Jesus: 490, and keep going. Where I’m at with my brother: 489. Thanksgiving: this month. I’ve forgiven my brother 489 times. Thanksgiving is going to be close. Counting: not the point. Matthew 18:21-22. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: FORGIVENESS • KEEPING COUNT. SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN. “Until seventy times seven” (KJV). A hand counter clicked to 0489 for my brother, next to the Matt. 18:22 math: 70 x 7 = 490; my truck, 212; the casserole dish, 1; everything else, 276; remaining: 1. (Pretty sure that’s not the point.) Times to forgive, per Peter: seven. Times, per Jesus: 490, and keep going. Where I’m at with my brother: 489. Thanksgiving: this month. I’ve forgiven my brother 489 times. Thanksgiving is going to be close. Counting: not the point. Matthew 18:21-22. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: NOVEMBER IS MILITARY FAMILIES MONTH. MILITARY SPOUSE. The orders came. Again. Box 1 of 1, do not open: a taped moving box labeled MISC. and KITCHEN?? MAYBE??, packed 2014, still taped. Move no. 7: Texas, Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, Germany, Washington, crossed out. Now: Hawaii. Moves: 7. States (plus one country): 6. Friends made: everywhere we went. Boxes never unpacked: 1, since 2014. 7 moves. 6 states. 1 country. One box I still haven’t unpacked. Box contents: unknown since 2014. For every military spouse who can pack a kitchen in an hour and still has that one box. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: NOVEMBER IS MILITARY FAMILIES MONTH. MILITARY SPOUSE. The orders came. Again. Box 1 of 1, do not open: a taped moving box labeled MISC. and KITCHEN?? MAYBE??, packed 2014, still taped. Move no. 7: Texas, Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, Germany, Washington, crossed out. Now: Hawaii. Moves: 7. States (plus one country): 6. Friends made: everywhere we went. Boxes never unpacked: 1, since 2014. 7 moves. 6 states. 1 country. One box I still haven’t unpacked. Box contents: unknown since 2014. For every military spouse who can pack a kitchen in an hour and still has that one box. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: URGENT CARE • OPEN 8 AM TO 8 PM. 7:58 PM. Doors lock in two minutes. Please take a number: 88. Now seeing 88. We close at 8:00. Clock says 7:58. “It’s not that bad.” Rash started: 3 weeks ago. Patient arrived: 7:58 PM. Reason for tonight: “it itched at dinner.” Nurse’s dinner: also 7:58 PM. Had the rash for 3 weeks. Came in at 7:58 PM. Shift end time: theoretical. For every urgent care nurse who has watched the door open two minutes before close. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: URGENT CARE • OPEN 8 AM TO 8 PM. 7:58 PM. Doors lock in two minutes. Please take a number: 88. Now seeing 88. We close at 8:00. Clock says 7:58. “It’s not that bad.” Rash started: 3 weeks ago. Patient arrived: 7:58 PM. Reason for tonight: “it itched at dinner.” Nurse’s dinner: also 7:58 PM. Had the rash for 3 weeks. Came in at 7:58 PM. Shift end time: theoretical. For every urgent care nurse who has watched the door open two minutes before close. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: Long before anyone laid a runway on Kwajalein, this shark was already patrolling the reef wall, and he never left. This is an original vintage screen-print style tee for Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands. A big reef shark cuts up the drop-off under a sunset palm islet, framed in a classic arch window. It's made for Kwaj kids, Kwaj alumni, divers and snorkelers, and anyone who has landed on that strip and looked down at the lagoon. The long sleeve version makes a great sun shirt for a day on the water.

Description: Long before anyone laid a runway on Kwajalein, this shark was already patrolling the reef wall, and he never left. This is an original vintage screen-print style tee for Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands. A big reef shark cuts up the drop-off under a sunset palm islet, framed in a classic arch window. It's made for Kwaj kids, Kwaj alumni, divers and snorkelers, and anyone who has landed on that strip and looked down at the lagoon. The long sleeve version makes a great sun shirt for a day on the water.

Description: Kwajalein gives you clear water, unreal sunsets and a lagoon that goes on forever. Just remember that the reef has teeth. This is an original vintage tattoo-flash style tee for Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands. A scarred reef shark banks straight at you out of a striped retro sunset with a palm islet, lagoon and coral heads, and the design is finished with a classic banner. It's made for Kwaj kids, Kwaj alumni, divers, spearos and snorkelers. The long sleeve version makes a great sun shirt for a day on the water.

Description: Kwajalein gives you clear water, unreal sunsets and a lagoon that goes on forever. Just remember that the reef has teeth. This is an original vintage tattoo-flash style tee for Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands. A scarred reef shark banks straight at you out of a striped retro sunset with a palm islet, lagoon and coral heads, and the design is finished with a classic banner. It's made for Kwaj kids, Kwaj alumni, divers, spearos and snorkelers. The long sleeve version makes a great sun shirt for a day on the water.

Description: Long before the first bike rack went up on Kwajalein, the lagoon's oldest local was already working the drop-off, and he still runs the reef like he owns it. This is an original vintage engraving-style tee for Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands. It shows a big, scarred reef shark with cold eyes and a mouthful of serrated teeth gliding past a sunset palm islet and coral heads. It's made for Kwaj kids, Kwaj alumni, divers and snorkelers, and anyone who has watched a fin cut across that lagoon. The long sleeve version makes a great sun shirt for a day on the water.

Description: Long before the first bike rack went up on Kwajalein, the lagoon's oldest local was already working the drop-off, and he still runs the reef like he owns it. This is an original vintage engraving-style tee for Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands. It shows a big, scarred reef shark with cold eyes and a mouthful of serrated teeth gliding past a sunset palm islet and coral heads. It's made for Kwaj kids, Kwaj alumni, divers and snorkelers, and anyone who has watched a fin cut across that lagoon. The long sleeve version makes a great sun shirt for a day on the water.

Description: CLOCKS FELL BACK • SUNDAY, NOV 1. WHAT TIME IS IT? Same argument since 1918. A wall clock with a gavel for a minute hand (or is it?) beside a vote tally board: MOTION: PICK A TIME AND KEEP IT. Yea: none. Nay: none. Present: all of them. Result: tabled. Again. Clocks changed: twice a year. Years arguing about it: too many. Oven clock: still wrong. Laws passed to fix it: 0. Congress can’t agree on anything. Not even what time it is. Next session: see you in March. A vintage vote-board parody for everyone who just reset the microwave clock again. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: CLOCKS FELL BACK • SUNDAY, NOV 1. WHAT TIME IS IT? Same argument since 1918. A wall clock with a gavel for a minute hand (or is it?) beside a vote tally board: MOTION: PICK A TIME AND KEEP IT. Yea: none. Nay: none. Present: all of them. Result: tabled. Again. Clocks changed: twice a year. Years arguing about it: too many. Oven clock: still wrong. Laws passed to fix it: 0. Congress can’t agree on anything. Not even what time it is. Next session: see you in March. A vintage vote-board parody for everyone who just reset the microwave clock again. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: FLU SHOT CLINIC • NURSE’S STATION. FLU SEASON. Just a little pinch, sir. A sheet of reward stickers: I was very brave, super patient, no crying, good arm, all done! One empty spot: taken by Big Tony. “I’m fine.” Patient height: 6’4”. Tattoos: both arms and neck. Needle length: 1 inch. Stickers requested: 2, for his other arm. Full-sleeve tattoos. Needed a sticker after his flu shot. Post-shot status: needs juice. For every nurse who has watched the toughest-looking patient turn pale at the sight of a needle. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: FLU SHOT CLINIC • NURSE’S STATION. FLU SEASON. Just a little pinch, sir. A sheet of reward stickers: I was very brave, super patient, no crying, good arm, all done! One empty spot: taken by Big Tony. “I’m fine.” Patient height: 6’4”. Tattoos: both arms and neck. Needle length: 1 inch. Stickers requested: 2, for his other arm. Full-sleeve tattoos. Needed a sticker after his flu shot. Post-shot status: needs juice. For every nurse who has watched the toughest-looking patient turn pale at the sight of a needle. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: THANKSGIVING POTLUCK • FELLOWSHIP HALL. IN EVERY THING. “In every thing give thanks.” (KJV) A wobbly lime gelatin ring with shredded carrots suspended inside, and a masking-tape label: AUNT LINDA, RETURN MY DISH! Serves 40, eaten by 2. Dishes on the table: 31. Gelatin salads: 1 (there is always 1). Carrots in it: nobody knows why. Servings taken: 1, to be nice. Yes, even the lime gelatin salad with carrots in it. Gratitude level: tested. 1 Thessalonians 5:18. A loving church-potluck parody for everyone who takes one spoonful to be kind. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.

Description: THANKSGIVING POTLUCK • FELLOWSHIP HALL. IN EVERY THING. “In every thing give thanks.” (KJV) A wobbly lime gelatin ring with shredded carrots suspended inside, and a masking-tape label: AUNT LINDA, RETURN MY DISH! Serves 40, eaten by 2. Dishes on the table: 31. Gelatin salads: 1 (there is always 1). Carrots in it: nobody knows why. Servings taken: 1, to be nice. Yes, even the lime gelatin salad with carrots in it. Gratitude level: tested. 1 Thessalonians 5:18. A loving church-potluck parody for everyone who takes one spoonful to be kind. Available on tees, hoodies, mugs, stickers and more.