Deadpan Tank Tops

Description: The saying goes - "well, this ain't my first rodeo", but you know what, if it was only the second rodeo, I'd still be concerned.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "hoi polloi". It sounds kinda fancy, right? "Join the hoi polloi for some polo, what, old chap?" But no. It means the masses; the common people; the poors. You and me, as it happens.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "a bit sweary". Whether the air around you is constantly blue, people liken you to a sailor, or you just like the odd cuss word, maybe give people a heads-up. For the mildly profane.

Description: Actually, this is my second rodeo. Designed for anyone who feel like they've done all this before.

Description: A minimal typography design of the phrase we should get sushi carol, in yellow text. Is this Pluribus Carol, or a Carol from an old dank meme?

Description: Current mental state: 100% exhausted, 0% thoughts. The ultimate deadpan cat face for students, programmers, and tired office workers.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "don't say 'bite me' and then act all surprised". Some of us are literal. And we have teeth. Just stay away.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "I'll be nicer if you'll be smarter." So many people who just want to make up their own facts; it's ridiculous and aggravating. It's like people CHOOSE to be stupid. Gah.

Description: Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am out of bed. I have better things do, like nap.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "Make it make sense." Because these days there are too many things that are just batsh*t insane. WTF is going on? Can you explain it to me?

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "a bit much". Are you strong, obstinate, maybe even stubborn or willful? Are you British or Australian and need understatement to live? Maybe this is for you.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "This is my second rodeo." I got my boots on, I know what time the mutton bustin' starts, and I might even buy me a funnel cake. Yeehaw.

Description: No, that's not a typo at the end of your email - "please hesitate to contact me". I hope this email finds you. Or not. Just leave me alone; we're all exhausted.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I'd just go." How much worse could it get, realistically? Meh.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "Artificial Intelligence: Not as great a threat as natural stupidity." Yeah. People are stupid which is why we can't have nice things. Like democracy.

Description: Make your voice heard without raising it too loud.

Description: A chihuahua with oversized ears and a deadpan expression holds a cigarette in a distressed cream and charcoal portrait.

Description: Deadpan Dead Pan

Description: Word of the day (everyday), say what you're thinking without saying a word. Great for introverts, mood gremlins, and anti-small-talk warriors.

Description: This Is My Second Rodeo

Description: I Like Cats I Just Can't Eat A Whole One By Myself

Description: A white "NON" gives way to a heavy red "ESSENTIAL." in a split-word headline that flips the meaning of the word with a single color change. Blunt, dry and built for anyone who suspects the org chart has them down as optional. A fun pick for office veterans, middle managers, cubicle dwellers and fans of dark workplace humor.

Description: Jan. 1851: Russian author Leo Tolstoy confides to his diary that he'd fallen in love at a party, and then as an afterthought - "Bought a horse which I don't need at all." Ah yes, unnecessary horse; who hasn't been there?! Style variations available.

Description: I Like Cats I Just Can't Eat A Whole One By Myself

Description: A deadpan pink cat goes trick or treating with a tiny pumpkin bucket, surrounded by cute ghosts and Halloween stars. Perfect for cat lovers who prefer their Halloween a little more cute, quirky, and sarcastic.

Description: These boots were made for mutton bustin'. Mutton Busting, Yeehaw.

Description: A deadpan NYC Pizza Rat with a straight-faced attitude, red cap and subway reflections in his shades. A gritty retro graphic inspired by New York subway culture, underground street style and the city's legendary Pizza Rat.

Description: Simple white letters on black background: "I am just as shocked as you". I just can't even. I'm shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED.

Description: A heavy white "ROUNDING" meets a stark red "ERROR." in a punchy two-tone headline that treats a person as a decimal nobody will miss. Dry, dark and built for anyone who has ever watched their contribution vanish into a spreadsheet footnote. A fun pick for accountants, analysts, finance teams, data nerds and fans of deadpan numbers humor.

Description: I Like Cats I Just Can't Eat A Whole One By Myself

Description: Hilarious deadpan selfie of an unimpressed tabby cat stuffed into a colorful oversized knitted reindeer holiday sweater by the decorated Christmas tree.

Description: "LOW" in stark white capitals leads into a heavy red "PRIORITY." that reads like a verdict stamped on a ticket. Dry, deadpan and built for anyone who has ever sat at the bottom of someone else's to-do list. A fun pick for project managers, support desk veterans, overworked teams and fans of dark office humor.

Description: I Like Cats I Just Can't Eat A Whole One By Myself

Description: i-was-promised-a-handbasket

Description: A deadpan black cat grips a bloodstained knife before a purple moon, with bats, bare branches, and questioning lettering below.

Description: If The Women Don't Find You Handsome They Should At Least Find You Handy