FartMerch.com

Description: Dad tax: I take your fries. You take my farts. Non-negotiable, no refunds, windows stay up. A funny fart shirt for the dad, stepdad or grandpa who steals a fry from every bag and pays it back in the car. A great birthday, Father's Day or Christmas gift for Dad. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: Player 1 has farted. Player 2 has left the game. Player 3 has left the game. Player 4 has left the game. Lobby cleared. GG, no rematch. A funny gamer shirt for the friend who clears the squad faster than any boss fight. Great Christmas, birthday or gag gift for gamers, boyfriends, brothers, dads and anyone who has ever ruined a co-op session. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: WTF? Wet Taco Fart. Blocky, square-cut WTF lettering over the three words nobody wants to say after Taco Tuesday, now in FartMerch green. A funny wet fart design for taco lovers, gross-out humor fans, and anyone who regrets the extra hot sauce. Great gag gift, white elephant pick, or just a loud statement. Printed in flat FartMerch green for dark shirts only, so it pops. Perfect for Taco Tuesday, Cinco de Mayo, and road-trip jokes. From FartMerch.

Description: FartMerch University, Department of Flatulence. Major: tooting. Minor: sharting. Honors: silent but deadly. Class of every day. A funny college-parody gift for graduates, professors with a sense of humor, and anyone with a lifetime degree in gas. Clean serif header, distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Ok, who sharted? The hand-lettered marker question nobody wants answered, now in FartMerch green and white. A funny gross-out shirt for the group chat, the office, and the family road trip. Dark shirts only.

Description: Tonight's forecast: 90% chance of gas. Morning, light breeze from the coffee. Noon, rising pressure from the burrito. Evening, gusts up to 40 from the beans. Night, silent, then deadly. Wind advisory: stay upwind. A funny weather-report gift for meteorologists, dads, and anyone with a stormy stomach. FartMerch Weather, white and green on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Rated PG: pretty gassy. Now showing, FartMerch Pictures. Contains mild odor, strong language upon release, parental guidance and ventilation. A funny movie-poster fart gift for parents, film fans, and teenagers who think they invented this joke. Big green PRETTY GASSY stack with a distressed finish, made for dark shirts. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: CH4 is methane, and you're the machine that makes it. This clean, nerdy fart pun spells maCH4ine with the methane formula glowing in FartMerch green. A gas-tastic gift for chemistry teachers, science nerds, dads and anyone who clears a room on purpose. GAS-TASTIC GEAR FOR EVERY REAR.

Description: Element 69: Fartium, symbol Fm. State: gaseous, obviously. Unstable, odoriferous, hilarious. Mass: varies by burrito. This periodic table tile discovered by accident, every time, uses the FartMerch monogram as its chemical symbol. A funny science gift for chemistry teachers, nerds, and lab partners with a weak stomach. White and FartMerch green on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: "Farts" are always funny. Same punchy distressed type, now in FartMerch green and white: FARTS, ARE ALWAYS, FUNNY. Works as a tee, hoodie or sweatshirt on dark colors. The unarguable truth, printed.

Description: Who cut the cheese? This artisan creamery label tells you: origin unmistakable, aged since lunch, pairs well with open windows. Tasting notes list the suspects. A funny gift for cheese lovers, charcuterie fans, and anyone who has asked the question and gotten a guilty look. Stamped edge and distressed FartMerch green on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Tuesday: tacos. Wednesday: consequences. The cycle continues. A funny weekly-schedule gift for taco lovers, burrito fans, and anyone whose Wednesday depends on their Tuesday. Two bold blocks of distressed white and FartMerch green type on dark. The perfect gift for Taco Tuesday regulars and fans of cause and effect. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Park rules: no farting. No exceptions. No sneaky ones. No blaming the dog. Violators will be smelled. This prohibition sign is a funny gift for parents, park rangers, and anyone who needs to lay down the law. By order of the FartMerch Parks Department. White and FM green with a distressed finish, designed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Gas leak. Evacuate. Step one, hold your breath. Step two, do not light a match. Step three, exit calmly. Step four, do not ask who. Assembly point: anywhere else. A funny emergency-sign fart gift for safety inspectors, coworkers, and anyone who just did the damage. Hazard stripes and distressed FartMerch green on dark. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: BigFART is real. A retro striped sunset frames a stomping bigfoot silhouette over a bold FM green BIGFART badge. Vintage cryptid style with a stink you can't unsmell. A funny bigfoot fart gift for sasquatch believers, campers, hikers and anyone with a legendary beast in the family. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear

Description: One night only, live at the saloon. Breakin' hearts and rippin' farts. This Old West poster promises free admission and no ventilation. A funny country-outlaw gift for cowboys, line dancers, rodeo fans, and anyone who tells it like it is. Heavy slab type in distressed white and FartMerch green with a double frame, made for dark shirts. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Fart happens. This incident report logs the cause, the witnesses, and who to blame: the dog, obviously. Severity: loud. Deal with it. A funny office gift for people who can take a joke, supervisors with a sense of humor, and anyone who has ever had to file a report on their own gas. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark.

Description: Live. Laugh. Fart. The motivational home-decor slogan, minus the cottagecore. Big distressed band-tee type, FART in FartMerch green, with a fading repeat line. A funny fart shirt for anyone who laughs at their own jokes.

Description: Dutch oven, seasoned since 1987. Best used under the covers. Serves one plus one unwilling guest. Not dishwasher safe. Hand wash, especially after. This cookware label is a funny gift for home cooks, couples, and anyone who has ever trapped a partner in bed. Green No. 1 pot with distressed white type from the FartMerch Kitchen Co. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: I voted, and then I farted in the booth. This non-partisan sticker-style design proves that every party agrees on one thing: it smells. A funny fart shirt for Election Day, polling place regulars and anyone who takes their civic duty seriously and their gas even more seriously. Bipartisan gas, zero apologies. Great gag gift or white elephant present. Fart humor done right by FartMerch.

Description: If they talk behind your back, fart. This anti-gossip protocol tells you how: detect gossip, turn away slowly, deploy, walk, do not run. Rear Defense System, FartMerch Tactical. A funny gift for office survivors, teenagers, and anyone with a rival. Giant FART in FartMerch green with distressed white type. Dark shirts only. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Fartled (adjective): startled by the sound of your own fart. The look on your face right after. Example: I was so fartled I looked behind me. This dictionary entry is the funniest way to explain a very human moment. A funny fart gift for word nerds, teachers, and anyone who jumped at their own noise. Clean serif type in FartMerch green and white.

Description: FARTacus the warrior. A helmeted Spartan raises his sword behind a battle-worn shield while a skull-marked FM green fart cloud trails behind. A funny gladiator fart gift for history buffs, gym guys, gamers and anyone who goes into battle with a rumble. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear

Description: Meet the Fart Weasel. A bold skunk with a big curled tail and FartMerch green stripes, outlined in white so it pops on dark shirts, with FART WEASEL in worn, brushy lettering underneath. A funny skunk fart gift for animal lovers, dads, brothers and anyone with a reputation. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: While you were reading this, I farted. A smirking retro 1950s pop-art woman on a rotary phone, in a distressed deep green panel with a FartMerch green grunge border, with the confession set in bold condensed type. A funny vintage comic fart gift for sarcastic friends, coworkers, moms and anyone who just got caught reading. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Card XIII: The Fart. My farts are magical. Reversed: a shart. This tarot card with a FartMerch sunburst predicts a very bad time for anyone sitting nearby. A funny witchy gift for tarot readers, astrology fans, and spooky-season fart enthusiasts. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. Draw this card at your own risk. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Grumpy old FART, official title. Hand-lettered white text with FM green FART and a little FM badge. A funny gift for grandpas, dads, retirees and anyone who earned the right to complain about everything. Perfect for Father's Day, birthdays and over-the-hill parties. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear

Description: Choose one: compliments, quality time, or farting. Checked: farting. It means I trust you. This love-language checklist is the funniest way to tell a partner you are comfortable. A funny fart gift for couples, newlyweds, Valentine's Day, and anyone who stopped holding it in months ago. Distressed FartMerch green and white on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: Hazard-stripe stencil design that says what it says: KEEP CALM AND WET FART. It's a wet one. FartMerch Field Issue, mop required. A gross-out gag gift for people who live dangerously. Original design with no crown and no borrowed logos.

Description: One bite in and the nugget has something to say. A split chicken nugget lets out a big FM green FART! cloud. A funny food fart gift for fast food fans, chicken nugget lovers, kids at heart and anyone who has regretted a 20 piece. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear

Description: If you can read this, you're in fart range. This crosshair scope reads out range 3 ft, wind south, target you, status armed. A funny fart gift for hunters, gamers, military humor fans, and anyone who tends to stand behind other people. Bold distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. Aim upwind. An original FartMerch design that makes a great gift for birthdays, holidays, and white elephant swaps.

Description: Eat. Sleep. Fart. Repeat. A big distressed band-tee stack with the REPEAT line fading out, FART in FartMerch green. The daily routine, honestly told. A funny fart gift for dads, gamers, and professional couch people.

Description: Frequently asked questions. Why? Just be farting. How often? Yes. When will it stop? No. Is that you? Always. This deadpan Q&A is the funniest way to answer everyone who asks. A funny fart gift for coworkers, friends, and anyone who just be farting. Big green FAQ with distressed white and FM green answers on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: High mileage, no warranty. This service-department ticket shows the odometer, an expired warranty, a check engine light that is always on, and trust level for any fart: zero. At this age, every fart is a gamble. A funny birthday gift for anyone over 40, car guys, and dads with proudly broken engines. Distressed FartMerch green and white on dark. Printed for dark shirts. Original FartMerch humor: gas-tastic gear for every rear.

Description: Giving a crap, current level: not a chance. This dial gauge sits at zero while the footer reports recent output: one fart. You're welcome. A funny sarcastic gift for people who have run out of patience, craps, and sometimes dignity. Works for the office, the gym, and family reunions. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark. Original FartMerch artwork, made for people who love a good fart joke and have zero shame about it.

Description: System audio, pants output. This level meter climbs from whisper to talk to shout to scream and hits clipping, because sometimes it really is a scream. Small print: I don't fart, I just whisper in my pants. A funny fart gift for musicians, gamers, sound engineers, and anyone whose volume knob is stuck. Distressed white and FartMerch green on dark.