Grip Grand

Description: Perfect for babies, grandparents, and other piss freaks. For fans of self-urination.

Description: You know the song from Eraserhead. Man, that weird baby really freaks me out. Eraserhead is a movie by David Lynch. If you buy the shirt version of this thing, it basically says so on the back.

Description: It’s a letter board at a diner that says “now serving” followed by the words “sorry, we are out of cunt…meatloaf still available.” I think it’s pretty self explanatory. For fans of serving cunt, not serving cunt, diners, and meatloaf. Also, good old fashioned hospitality.

Description: Infected by the croak mind virus! It’s like the woke mind virus, but for frogs! And I love frogs

Description: We all love a rebus! The solution here is simple: I Love Hen Tie. Or is that hentai? Whether you love sexy anime and manga or neckware for ground fowl, this riddle of a shirt is for you

Description: Vintage pulp crime fiction illustration of a black domino face mask and a small black handgun, on a red paper field with the book price of 25 cents pictured

Description: Vintage mid century pulp science fiction illustration of an astronaut on fire in space and you can kind of see his bones

Description: Iconic movie, iconic vintage flier, you should watch Paris is burning if you haven’t, top ten documentary

Description: 1920’s Art Deco rendering of a woman’s long and shapely legs

Description: A photograph I took of a famous photograph but then I did stuff to it

Description: A woman throwing her hands over her head with pleasure, retro old magazine erotica look

Description: Vintage mid-century style illustration of a colorful, feathery sea anemone

Description: Diablo Records released underground Spanish-language adult comedy LPs in the 1960s-70s. Their logo is exttemely sick. For fans of music, vinyl, and the devil. Un disco marca Diablo!

Description: Brian De Palma’s Phantom of the Paradise features a Faustian bargain between a tortured young musician and, spoiler alert for Faustian bargains, the Devil. The devil runs a record company. The name of that company is Death Records.

Description: A tribute to brutalist architecture and also life being hard. Celebrate brutalism and existential misery at the same time with this picture of a building.

Description: Bad Medicine for Dr. Drugs! It’s a mission statement plus a little picture of a syringe! I don’t get it either!

Description: Remember those ads that said ‘you wouldn’t download a car’ or whatever? Ah, nostalgia. This is like that but about sexy sex organs. Namely, penis.

Description: It’s a man holding a bunch of money. He is a capitalist. This is an anticapitalist shirt. Money men ruined the world. Don’t let the, seduce you with their fake economics. They only know greed.

Description: ‘There Is No Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism’ original digital illustration by Grip Grand. Your favorite fast food friends cannibalize each other in the name of profit. Educational fun for you and your anti-capitalist pals

Description: This is a picture of two pocket knives! You shouldn’t call them knifes, it’s incorrect. But now your shirt can! For fans of sharp objects and cutting implements.

Description: Men dancing! Men fighting! Wrestling is one of the most homoerotic activities broadly accepted by straight society, apropos of nothing. This is a couple of men, having a tussle.

Description: Two men are holding each other. Are they fighting or dancing? They are. BOYDANCE. Maybe they are in a band. Two guys. Two gentlemen. Kinda looks like a dance to me idk btw does anyone even read these? I hope not.

Description: A picture of two old cars, going fast! High speed! Also it says the word amphetamine. This is an UPPER tier shirt, if you know what I mean. I don’t, I was always terrible at chemistry. Don’t do drugs!

Description: A skull that is also a lightbulb. A skull bulb. Light bulbs signify ideas! Skulls signify death. Death of the idea. Hell is in the mind.

Description: A kitten in the classic retro ‘hang in their’ dangling pose with the words ‘God gives his toughest battles to me personally.’

Description: What if a horse could talk? Would the horse thank you for riding it and making it pull your stagecoach? Idk my friend. In this case, the man is joking around, he says ‘why the long face’ and the horse isn’t having it. Things turn dark real quick. Horse humor. Don’t say neigh!

Description: Oops I seem to have gotten my iconic 90’s television programs mixed up. Which is the one bout solving mysteries? Twin Files? X-Peaks? Either way, it’s not that clever. The tshirt version has a joke on the back. It’s a cheeky gag about human breasts and the artsy tv show.

Description: Prometheus was wrong! The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race, sure, but we never even would’ve gotten there without old Johnny Flamesnatcher giving us the ability to do things after dark. That’s why you got your liver ate, my dude! Mythology is a bi**h. Give the gods back their fire. Return to darkness.

Description: Is this a threat or a promise? Impossible to know. God is all-seeing and all-knowing. He can tell you don’t fold your shirts, you just kind of stuff them in the drawer. Is He judging you? You’ll never know! This is why religion is fun. Also, The Bible. Amen.

Description: If you die in your dreams, do you die in real life? I don’t know, but the opposite is definitely true. A statement about dreams, reality, and existence in general. I dunno, buddy, it’s all a mystery to me.

Description: It’s your favorite cat-eating alien and he’s riding a skateboard! Radical! This design can mean whatever you want it to mean. It’s not about cunnilingus! Stop assuming it is! This is not an oral sex thing! It is officially announced! Ok cool I think we’re in the clear now, legally.

Description: As Groucho Marx once said, I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. That’s why I’m joining the Boring Club for Haters and Losers. A cool shirt (or IS IT?) for the irony-poisoned. Only haters and losers won’t get it. Or maybe everyone. Everyone might not get it. But you will. And THAT makes you cool.

Description: This is my favorite shirt. Literally. Or mug or tote or whatever you like. You’re the one who likes it.

Description: The post office said it would be here today! Amazon says it shipped! Everyone has taken my money! Where is my package?!? We all hate waiting for the mail to come, especially when we have an important order on the way. Capitalism requires us to buy little treats for ourselves or we will go insane. It’s a fact. Someone tell my postal worker. Wait a minute mr postman where is my dang stuff? I am sick of waiting.

Description: …for they know not what they do. Haters, losers, let us pray for them, that they may learn the iniquity of their ways and stop hating. Compassion means praying for your enemies too. Even if you’re just praying for their losses. Anyway, don’t hate, buy this shirt of a little girl wishing for your downfall. Prayers up.

Description: Do you work on a pole? Whether you’re a dancer, a firefighter, or a telephone line repair technician, odds are you’ve been up and down a lot of poles. Maybe you know someone who loves grease, idk. There are a lot of reasons to rock this design. Humor, for instance. Also, humour. Or perhaps you just like your pole to be well-oiled. Fun innuendos aside, congratulations on your championship.