Malarkey

Description: This is a perfect gift for anyone who overuses the term "common sense." See also my Big Lebowski-inspired "The Dood Abides."

Description: They've got a name for the winners in the world. I want a name when I lose. They Call Alabama the Crimson Tide. Call me Deacon Blues.

Description: Join the Chicken Revolution! Eat your own super-healthy eggs with bright orange yolks every freakin' day! Build a bougie coop with hip wallpaper and Italian marble flooring! Learn to speak "broody"! Turn your boring grass into a pearly poopy compost for garden veggies! Create lively TikTok videos of your hens in hand-crocheted clothing for a lucrative side hustle! If this sounds like heaven, run to your nearest Wilco and pick up some chicks! They're cluckin' fantastic!

Description: When Joe Walsh wrote "Life's Been Good To Me So Far" back in 1978, he had never owned a Maserati, however the mere mention of said automobile (whose top speed was actually rated at 133mph) helped revive the failing Italian sports car company. Many years later, Joe finally bought a Maserati because he felt he was letting people down whenever they asked about it, but says he has never driven 185 with it. "I chickened out at 140" he said.

Description: Whether you have a favorite witty bartender that you need a perfect gift for, or maybe you're just a fan of classic rock lyrics, this is a phrase design that will have everyone feeling alright.

Description: Whether you have a favorite witty bartender that you need a perfect gift for, or maybe you're just a fan of classic rock lyrics, this popular phrase design will have everyone feeling alright.

Description: A Ramones shirt for someone who actually listens to the Ramones.

Description: If your dad is a Bob Seger fan, then he definitely wants this tee shirt,

Description: Looking for a gift for that friend or family member who has a newfound obsession with chickens and homesteading? Look no further. Are they a TS fan? Even better.

Description: The actual beach that the Ramones are referring to in the song. Apparently, it's not too hard to reach, provided you don't mind hitch-hiking.

Description: In the song, Cracklin' Rosie is a store-bought woman who can make Neil sing like a guitar hummin'. However, you have to admit it sounds like a rosy pair of butt cheeks.. or maybe breakfast cereal. It's one of my favorites from the great Mr. Diamond.

Description: Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. One for every state (before Hawaii and Alaska were admitted in 1959). He was also the most lucrative commercial spokesmodel of the era, earning more per year than Bing Crosby.

Description: Weed out the Ramones posers by wearing something that an actual Ramones fan would recognize.

Description: If you've ever felt the need to buy a gift for your favorite bartender.

Description: Seriously. We're here to live it up. Celebrate every moment you can.

Description: Wear this shirt, and the true Ramones fans will find you.

Description: One of the great privileges in my life was seeing the Ramones at Lollapalooza '96- the year they disbanded. 40 minutes of blistering garage punk classics. It was wonderful. Devo was the surprise guest, if you can imagine that.

Description: This design is meant for family reunions and get-togethers, where everyone can be some form of "old fart." Please look for my accompanying designs: Young Toot, and Elderly Flatulator.

Description: Just a St. Patricks pun on an 80s catchphrase.

Description: Swiftie Nation may be the greatest superpower the world has ever known.

Description: Just a little song about grapefruit wine, high-heeled sneakers, and funked-up music- which includes, but is not limited to- hungry reggae, blues, the King, and somebody else's favorite song.

Description: One of the best parts of antique shopping during the holidays is stumbling upon the many vintage creepy Santa dolls and figurines that sneak up behind you while you're looking at Pyrex.

Description: So much more than a surfing song. If you're aware of the law of attraction, you'll recognize that positive vibrations are the very power that brings everything good into fruition.

Description: Back in the day, tinsel wasn't so much an option as it was a necessity when it came time to decorate your tree. It was shiny, cheap, messy and hard on vacuum cleaners.

Description: If you're a Seinfeld fan who celebrates Christmas.

Description: If you were a child who watched Family Affair and owned a Mrs. Beasley doll, chances were that you wore her glasses and never wondered whether or not there was a Mr. Beasley.

Description: It was a dark December day. Mothers we're turning ordinary kitchen utensils into deadly barbaric weapons. Arsenals of tear gas, napalm and Aquanet filled the brightly lit department stores featuring a "limited amount" of these hyper-popular, homely dolls. Blood flowed into the cracks of the linoleum as parents became savage animals in their quest to create the perfect Christmas for their spoiled Gen X children. Thank God there was a surplus of GI Joe figures and Transformers to go around that year.

Description: Basically, and old fart. See also in white font.

Description: A neon tribute to the quintessential cocktail that's landlocked in the most rad decade known as the 80's.

Description: Just a little song about grapefruit wine, high-heeled sneakers, and funked-up music- which includes, but is not limited to- hungry reggae, blues, the King, and somebody else's favorite song.

Description: I'm always amazed that I have room for pie at the end of it all.

Description: If the combination of the words "bougie" and "frick" make you laugh, then there is a good chance that wearing this t-shirt will make many others laugh also.

Description: If the combination of the words "bougie" and "frick" make you laugh, then there's a good chance this shirt will make others laugh when you wear it.

Description: Soothing soft rock, gentle ocean waves....a yacht? Yah Mo B There!

Description: When your signature menu item contradicts the restaurant's name.

Description: Sounds like "zhoosh." It's a real word in the Merriam Webster dictionary. Perhaps you've heard your favorite You-Tuber using this term to make a small adjustment or improvement to whatever they're working on. Ideal for the Do It Yourself person in your life.