Stickervert

Description: There comes a time in every peace-lovin', kindness-oriented life when some moves simply must be busted. Go forth and give the mean jerks your what-for, my friend. Buddha approves.

Description: Don't judge others! Lest you trip on an ironic statement and fall on your face.

Description: Introverts everywhere silently acknowledged the day the Global Wellness Syndicate made personal boundaries a thing. Do your boundaries need some support? No problemo! Say it with me, friend: "Nope. Just nope." You got it, Champ.

Description: Trump is the same shallow-thinking silver-spoon chuggin' tantrum-throwing pussy-grabbing racist he has always been. Nothing he does is surprising. In fact, he's not even the problem: it's MAGA -- the good folks who voted for him because they thought he'd go on ahead and be mean to someone ELSE, and that seemed like a fine deal -- that's the problem. They alone enabled the destruction of our national integrity for the sole purpose of lining the pockets of a buffoon with a dictator fetish. Trump is a brass-plated opportunist. MAGA is the true disgrace.

Description: Slavery beget KKK beget segregation beget Southern Strategy beget Tea Party... and, viola! Trump. The highest form of the lowest evolution.

Description: Ever been the lone vegetarian at the table, breakin' a sauna sweat tryin' to protect your queso territory from the wing gnawers and calamari chompers that surround you? Yeah, that. Exactly. Thank you.

Description: Do you resent cloudless, 73-degree days that cannot be commented upon? Collapse inward every time someone asks you how it's going? Dread hearing how it's going with their kids? If so, you may be an introvert. Join the club! There are no meetings. In fact, we never want to hear from you. Just stay over there and feel your feels, champ.

Description: You know you've reached the Enlightenment Era of menopause when you're woman enough to know that the point is not to pretend no one is watching: the point is to dance like you don't give a hairy eff whether they're watching or not. Look at me, world! I am shakin' what I still got, cause' ibuprofen is cheap in the same way that time is not!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Description: Don't be distracted by hot flashes and southward-migrating body parts: menopause gives you wings! You've finally evolved to your higher self! So, pull up your bladder-leak underpants and let the official kick-assery commence.

Description: I plan to float away on a fast-flowing tide of inexpressible joy the day humanity deletes these three items from the Food Pyramid: raisins, mushrooms, and corn chunks.

Description: Your library card is free. And, with that in your wallet, you're rich! You're livin' every day in such a way that you wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe get a better haircut.

Description: Menopause doesn't mean an end to your Carpe Diem-style adventuring, but it does mean you buy your ibuprofen at the warehouse store.

Description: We fight each weight-gain battle as it comes. Sometimes, we win. And sometimes, we win temporarily just so that when we lose later, we can honestly say we tried. Also, DARN YOU, NANCY, FOR LEAVING DONUTS IN THE BREAKROOM!!!

Description: So, how does it look?

Description: Ever feel like Brain Fog makes it impossible to... do whatever it was you came into this room to do? Do you collect loved ones' heads on the pointy ends of your mood swings? And what about sleep: do you? Ever? If you answered yes or no to any of these questions, then you need to run out and get yourself a free meditation app right now. Your free meditation app is your ticket to equanimity! Your free meditation app believes in you! Trust me, there is no true joy in menopause until Kenneth from Norway clears your path to a good night's sleep with hypnosis and affirmations. You're right, Kenneth from Norway with your free Deep Sleep Meditations, there *is* still time for me and I *can* do anything!

Description: When, in the course of human events, my dear, you earn your pass into the glorious land of the free and the Menopausal -- make your first official act a declaration of truce with your underpants! Pull the underwires out'that thang! Bury your belly button in a time capsule beneath a generous waistband! Wedgies (and bras after 4 p.m.) are for suckers.

Description: Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Why, here's a simple solution: collapse inward! It's where all the cool folks retreat to avoid oppressive social obligations such as chit-chat, weather observations, and trying to remember that guy's name. So, go on, my introverted friend, and hang out in the corner with the coolest kid at the party.

Description: Haven't you run the lady race long enough? Forget all that stuff they told you about hot flashes n' moods swings: Gurl, get yourself an estrogen patch and a meditation app, and go forth into the Glory Years with a smile in your heart and a donut around yer belly button. Because menopause is for winners!

Description: Look, I'm not saying it wasn't a terrible time: you had your novel virus on a speed date with evolution, your resultant mass death, and, on top of that, some unhinged orange twit shouting at us to drink horse dewormer and own the libs. Those parts were bad. And grandma learning how to use video calling apps? That was bad, too. But, you also had work from home, empty grocery store parking lots, and built-in excuses to not ever go anywhere. I mean...

Description: Ooooh, yeah, that sounds really great, I wish I could. I can't though. I'll be busy. They need me at home. Darn it! So sad. Sure, we'll reschedule-- for when? Oh, boy. What are the odds? I'm busy that day, too. And the other days. All of them. Forever. To infinity. You have fun, though.

Description: This one's a keeper! Declare your unhinged ambition for all the world to see. Probably not a great idea for your work laptop, though, as it may hinder your step-on-any-head-to-get-ahead cred with the boss. Keep it to your water bottle.

Description: When the world stops making sense. When people's stuff is too much. When you just literally can't even. I know. Right?

Description: We all love books. That's the easy bit. But, our public libraries are under attack -- which means our most 'beloved' books are under attack. So, library warrior, it's time to do the courageous thing and defend the books we hate. Because we understand that the public library is built on a foundation of First and Fourteenth Amendment rights, and that an attack on any book, even one that scares us, is an attack on our intellectual freedom. Time to step out of your social media echo chamber, and step in to a library board of trustees meeting: let them know you know they know your rights as an American, even though they already know you know they know and they just don't seem to care. But they have to. Because, you know ... the Constitution.

Description: Are you willing to go to the mat (i.e., write an email, a letter to the editor, or *GASP!* actually show up at a library board meeting) to protect your public library? If so, here's your uniform. Wear it with pride, and stand up for your rights to read like the free American you are at the public library.

Description: Everyone should be able to see themselves at the library! Representation is one of the most important duties the public library has to its patrons. Knowing that is what makes you the brave sort of hero who accepts that some of the books on the library shelves will not look like you (maybe they're even *GASP* gay!!), but you're not afraid! Why not? Well, science! Of course! So, wear your pride (*GASP* PRIDE?? Do we have to say PRIDE???) to the next meeting of your public library board of trustees, and let them know that Equal Protection means something to you: it means the entire rainbow* of humanity must be represented in the public library. (*Brace yourself. The rainbow thing really triggers some of them.)

Description: Everyone should be able to see themselves at the library! Representation is one of the most important duties the public library has to its patrons. Knowing that is what makes you the brave sort of hero who accepts that some of the books on the library shelves will not look like you (maybe they're even *GASP* gay!!), but you're not afraid! Why not? Well, science! Of course! So, wear your pride (*GASP* PRIDE?? Do we have to say PRIDE???) to the next meeting of your public library board of trustees, and let them know that Equal Protection means something to you: it means the entire rainbow* of humanity must be represented in the public library. (*Brace yourself. The rainbow thing really triggers some of them.)

Description: Book lovers fight for the books they love; freedom lovers fight for the ones they hate. Wear this fancy gear to the next meeting of your public library's board of trustees, and remind them (because some of them forgot) that the First and Fourteenth Amendments guarantee freedoms of thought, expression, and equal rights -- which means you're gonna find stuff on the shelf at the public library that you dislike, or maybe detest, or possibly even hate. And that is exactly how it's supposed to go.

Description: Do the hairs go up on the back of your neck when book banners yell (because, let's face it, they're always yelling), "NOBODY'S BANNING BOOKS! Y'ALL CAN STILL BUY Y'ALL'S PORN ON AMAZON!!!"? If you answered yes to that question, then: Congratulations! You must understand that (a) not everyone can afford to buy their porn* from Amazon, and (b) the public library guarantees access to information without regard to income, race, religion, gender, etc. (all those things protected by 14th Amendment). You need this shirt, and you need to show up at a library board meeting and say all those things you know. (*And, no, sorry, there is NO porn at the public library. There's stuff y'all might'nt like ... but it ain't porn.)