Deadpan Baseball T-Shirts

Y'know, once upon a time this would've been in the category of "things we don't have to put in writing". But it's longer those times. So: Don't drink bleach. It's a REALLY dumb idea and will not cure covid. Get vaxxed instead. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "Make it make sense." Because these days there are too many things that are just batsh*t insane.

"This is my second rodeo." in plain white letters - cos you're not the noob, but barely

Simple white letters on black background: "I have just eaten waffles or am on my way to get waffles." Breakfast in America; dessert in Australia; yeasted in Belgium; delicious everywhere. You're never more than 10 min away from waffles.

Embrace your seasoned expertise with our 'This is my second rodeo' design. Perfect for the seasoned pros who've seen it all. Inject some Delightful-sized humor into your wardrobe with this deadpan and sarcastic statement. Get yours now and let your outfit do the talking!

Check our 'This is my second rodeo' design. Perfect for the seasoned pros who've seen it all. Inject some Delightful-sized humor into your wardrobe with this deadpan and sarcastic This is not my first rodeo. Get yours now!

Simple white letters on black background: "Anyone wanna help me with my Bogo Pogo?" Whether you're actually Wayne or just a regular ballroom dancer, this move could be your ticket to win the Pan Pacific Grand Prix. Get moving.

"This is my second rodeo" in white old west letters. I got my boots on, I know what time the mutton bustin' starts, and I might even buy me a funnel cake. This ain't my first rodeo, y'all. Available in other styles and colors.

This Is My Second Rodeo Funny Sarcastic Western

"This is my second rodeo." in plain white letters - cos you're not the noob, but barely

White grunge letters: "Gen X sais quoi." Gen X - the forgotten generation. Everyone's all up on the Boomers and the Millennials but we exist, dammit! Not that anyone indicates they know. Display this and change that.

Simple white letters on black background: "a bit sweary". Whether the air around you is constantly blue, people liken you to a sailor, or you just like the odd cuss word, maybe give people a heads-up. For the mildly profane.

Howdy pardner, yeehaw! Whether you're an urban cowboy, cowgirl, or cowperson, or you gaze on wild frontiers every evening, this design in old west letters and modern orange and pink (with bonus cowpoke hat!) is for you.

According to the sublime Eddie Izzard, this is the European dream - to be on a hairdryer (moped) while dogs are walking faster than you. Absurd humour at its finest, always, from Ms Izzard.

face fluidity

Embrace your seasoned expertise with our 'This is my second rodeo' design. Perfect for the seasoned pros who've seen it all. Inject some Delightful-sized humor into your wardrobe with this deadpan and sarcastic statement. Get yours now and let your outfit do the talking!

feel me flow

According to the sublime Eddie Izzard, this is the European dream - to be on a hairdryer (moped) while dogs are walking faster than you. Absurd humour at its finest, always, from Ms Izzard.

Check our 'This is my second rodeo' design. Perfect for the seasoned pros who've seen it all. Inject some Delightful-sized humor into your wardrobe with this deadpan and sarcastic This is not my first rodeo. Get yours now!

Classic portrait of a woman, Isabella Wolff, by Sir Thomas Lawrence, from the early 1800s. Vintage artwork modernized by the addition of a deadpan caption in bright white: "I simply cannot even". Find more updated art in this store: Planet Snark.

Simple white letters on black background: "incognito". When you just don't want to be recognized and no one can know your true identity; wear your sunglasses and go incognito. Maybe they'll think you're Tony Hawk.

"This is my second rodeo." in plain white letters - cos you're not the noob, but barely

This is my second rodeo

Check our 'This is my second rodeo' design. Perfect for the seasoned pros who've seen it all. Inject some Delightful-sized humor into your wardrobe with this deadpan and sarcastic This is not my first rodeo. Get yours now!

Flames and fire and the words "this is fine" are perfect for these strange apocalypse days - for a coffee cup in your burning kitchen, or something else. Variations on this design available, also in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "New shirt, who dis?" Look at you, all fancy. Maybe you got some new friends with your new shirt. Or something. Who knows; it's all absurd anyway.

Simple white letters on black background: "If only closed minds came with closed mouths." Life is for the learning and if you can't manage that, at least manage to keep quiet.

This is my second rodeo

Simple black letters on white background: "All hat, no cattle." If you've got a self-deprecating sense of humor, this could be the design for you. Got a lot of flash but not so much substance? Yeah, join the club.

Simple white letters on black background: "I choose chaos." Hopefully you're chaotic good or at least chaotic neutral, not chaotic evil. Those people need to go through some things. But chaos can be creative, right?

Simple white letters on black background: "Vaccinated AF." Because when you're bursting with antibodies why not tell everybody; you're doing your part for herd immunity with the added bonus that you're probably not going to die of covid. Yay.

If you don't want people to talk to you and you're anti social, this is the design for you. I'm not looking to make new friends today either.

Simple white letters on black background: "I don't wanna." Whatever it is - I don't wanna. And I don't hafta.

This is my second rodeo TYPOGRAPHY.

Jan. 1851: Russian author Leo Tolstoy confides to his diary that he'd fallen in love at a party, and then as an afterthought - "Bought a horse which I don't need at all." Ah yes, unnecessary horse; who hasn't been there?! Style variations available.

Simple white letters on black background: "I have just had boba or am on my way to get boba." Whether you add crystal pearls or black tapioca or pudding or matcha or fruit or whatever, boba is simply the best. Bubble tea for all!