Description: Do you need to keep up morale in the face of a Bonus Room Blitz? Use this shirt as a shield to get you through your day, from the moment you leave your treehouse all the way to the Exit Cave. The Keep Barrel and Carry Kong t-shirt was designed by Hyle, who pitched it to Fangamer during a Kongversation episode way back when. Their loss is our (and your) gain!
Description: When you're standing on the corner, just you and Koko (oh no), and you're waiting for Funky to land, why not wear this totally rebellious and cool rock star's shirt straight out of a 1970s dorm room poster? Que pasa Big Ape? Que pasa Big Ape? O-kay. The Some Time in Big Ape City shirt was designed by Hyle, who first decided to rip off what Jim Morrison was wearing in his famous poster but then realized that TeePublic won't accept money for going shirtless. It'd put them out of business, it would!
Description: Remember that trip you took to the museum in 1995? Remember how you were the only one to buy a tangible memento as a souvenir while the rest of your classmates purchased banana-flavored space monkey ice cream that they gobbled up on the bus ride home? Laugh at them all as your educational keepsake has persevered into the present day! Gift Shop Purchase (Class Field Trip 1995) was designed by Hyle. At any rate, even with these prices, it's probably a better deal than paying for all of the tips you could get in the museum. The downside is you won't be able to hear an old man's scathing putdowns or engage in some ostrich racing. Buy all of the variants so you can say "Look at all this junk in here!"
Description: Show pride for your alma mater! It may have only taught you that 9 ÷ 3 = 6, or that worms are very unpopular, but at least you could always rely on the institution to keep you safe from the many Game Overs in life. Old Skool was designed by Hyle, who had to fish both it and his diploma from the shark-infested waters in which the university (and all satellite campuses) sank. Hence the distressed look! Still, at least paying the coins for every lesson up front meant he wasn't saddled with student loans for most of his life. He was bankrupted immediately! (He now has to shill merch on TeePublic to make ends meet.)
Description: Why speed run your vacation when you could take it slow in the first area you arrive? The placid shoreline and tranquil mountain range mean your itinerary can wait... even if your friends' brainwaves are powering a tyrannical robot. World 1 Tourism was designed by Hyle, who has spent a fair amount of time looking for bears in National Parks. He likes this one because you can simply stroll into their cabin and say hello! Just make sure you bring a shell or a box of chocolates to make the interaction more palatable.
Description: Everybody's got something to hide except for you and your monkey? Show them that you're an out and proud fan of the most fab foursome ever rendered on a 16-bit console. This band parody shirt comes in a distressed style and takes you back to a time when DK didn't have to carry that weight (on his back) and got by with a little help from his friends. The Fab Fur t-shirt was designed by Hyle, who can never let it be when it comes to talking about music from the 1960s or games from the 1990s.
Description: Everybody's got something to hide except for you and your monkey? Show them that you're an out and proud fan of the most fab foursome ever rendered on a 16-bit console. This band parody shirt comes in a distressed style and takes you back to a time when DK didn't have to carry that weight (on his back) and got by with a little help from his friends. The Fab Fur t-shirt was designed by Hyle, who can never let it be when it comes to talking about music from the 1960s or games from the 1990s.
Description: "What have they got in there, King Kong?" Not quite, but a little monkey racing woodland critters is still worth the price of admission. When you must go faster, must go faster, wear the shirt that's never tricky and will keep you from getting sticky, even while sweating in a Hot Top Volcano. A Racing Adventure 65 Million Years in the Making t-shirt was designed by Hyle and based on an idea by Jeff. That's... that's KAOS theory.
Description: Now it CAN be Christmas every day, so long as you take the spirit of Walrus Cove with you! Available in a variety of styles, home goods, and decor, you'll be spreading holiday cheer as you send friends, family, and strangers on an icy loop-the-loop! I Wish I Was the Walrus was designed by Hyle and based on the iconic holiday song by Matt Cornah. C'mon, you lot!
Description: All that you clap And all that you kick All that you spurt All you shoot And all that you shrink And all that you float All you collect All you skip And all that you hop And listen up dudes And all you inflate You're in the mood And all that you play And all you jetpack And all you make cry And all that you crush And you can't jump high One hell of a guy The DK Side of the Moon shirt was designed by Hyle and based on an idea by Jeff, who remembers games and Chained Kongs and laughs. Got to keep the monkeys on the path.
Description: Even if it's not seven o'clock, you can still rock this stylish shirt that will let the world know your old man's drunker than a barrel full of monkeys (or an orangutan). The Have You Seen My Grapes? t-shirt was designed by Hyle and based on an idea by Jeff. A juvenile product of the working class!
Description: Clap your hands! ALL RIGHT. Umph. YEAH. *two-minute slapping and clapping session, waking up the neighbors and agitating your animal friends* One, two, three, four... buy more? PAN! PAN! The PAN! PAN! shirt was designed by Hyle to celebrate 20 years of worldwide bongo banging and hand smacking, emblazoned with the infamous onomatopoeia used in Japanese marketing that came to become shorthand for the series and peripheral on DK Vine. Finally, a shirt for the Good Charlotte AND Diddy's Ditties fanatic in your life. They're probably the same person, and they're probably a sicko. GO GO GO SICKO!
Description: Who's a widdle pwecious baby? Well, maybe it's your actual baby. That's not weird. But maybe it's a full-grown adult labeling themselves as such. Society says that's weird. Still, no matter what your birth certificate says, no matter how much it defies common wisdom, anyone who wears this design can be a "Current Baby" once again! Current Baby was designed by Hyle, based on the mislabeling of our favorite Video Game Hero monkey in an unofficial magazine.
Description: The perfect shirt for grease monkeys! No matter which mode of transportation you prefer for the big race, you'll always qualify for a strong starting position if you get it custom-made in the Kongo. Across Rainbow Road and Star City, from Sherbet Land to Sherbet Island, every plumber and primate prefers Kongo Kustoms! The Kongo Kustoms t-shirt was designed by Hyle, who wouldn't actually recommend wearing this while working on your car. If you put it on, simply call a mechanic and kick back with a refreshing banana daiquiri as you watch them labor under your vehicle.
Description: Be THAT person and ruin the biggest shocker for anyone who still hasn't seen a certain 2023 major motion picture. Don't try to tell me that he didn't actually perish. He didn't have time to tuck and roll! The Spoiler Alert t-shirt was designed by Hyle and based on an idea by Gibbon. Perfect for any group viewing of an animated family blockbuster! (Or a closed casket wake.)
Description: Wait, there are TWO eggs in the mansion? Go beyond the magic photographs for the ultimate checklist to the most tantalizing secrets of your adventure (in this game, or the next). The Don't Stop 'Til You Swop Enough t-shirt was designed by Hyle, who could have really used this back in the humid summer days of 1998. Not that it would have done him any good back then. Or the autumn of 2000, honestly.
Description: Are you always feeling like you're running on empty? Do you wish you could be powered by the battery that's as burly as the barracuda's blockade? While it's not as simple as throwing one in a backpack and then inserting it into a terminal, you can still get a pick-me-up by wearing the logo of the Archipelgo's favorite commercial and industrial battery brand! The Bazza! Superlife Battery Brand t-shirt was designed by Hyle, based on the design seen in the game. It's great if you're named Barry, but it also works if you love super specific references to complicated video game shared universes!
Description: Don't rush through booking your holiday plans. Let the anticipation build and build as you edge your way... to the shores of Spiller's Harbor! Always sticky and never tricky, it's been a favorite for seamen since the 1970s! The Slow and Steady Wins the Race t-shirt was designed by Hyle, based on a threat he made on the Kongversation. We hope it was as good for you as it was for him.
Description: It's a country club for the slobs, not the snobs! Membership to Congo Canopy is open to all who purchase this shirt, giving you access to 18 holes of environmentally-friendly par 3 golf in the upper echelons of the deep Kongo Jungle! (There's even added room on the bottom of the shirt for all of your Birdie Badges.) The Congo Canopy Country Club t-shirt was designed by Hyle, who realizes that wearing it would get you kicked off most golf courses around the world. But upon researching the dress codes for DK Island's resorts, he's discovered that most golfers there don't even wear trousers! So what are you waiting for? Pop on this beauty (and nothing else) and hit the links!
Description: The modern-day DK Vine logo in its vertical configuration. Because it's not "DKVINE," okay? Stop saying "DKVINE." The DK Vine Logo is based on the design by Cameron that's been used by our media empire since 2018. People probably won't know what it means when they see you wearing it, but imagine how delightful it would be if they did!
Description: The modern-day DK Vine logo in its horizontal configuration. Just stop typing it as "DKVINE," okay? The DK Vine Horizontal Logo t-shirt is based on the design by Cameron that's been used by our media empire since 2018. People probably won't know what it means when they see you wearing it, but imagine how delightful it would be if they did!
Description: On August 22, 1999, a website was founded that shouldn't have lasted more than a couple of years. 25 years later, it's become the defining voice for niche video games starring apes, monkeys, bears, squirrels, pasty Englishmen in their underpants, grimy Englishmen at sea (in their underpants), and bats and lizards (the latter of which are in their underpants). The DK Vine 25th Anniversary logo was designed by Cameron and is only the second logo in our history to actually incorporate a vine. It also brings back the neon!
Description: Lost in the sunken ship's hold of time, this special DK Vine logo was used on our site in March of 2018 to celebrate the launch of Rare's bestselling online pirate game (and prequel to the entire DKU). While a bit waterlogged, we've recovered it just in time to honor the game's new multiplatform future! The DK Vine SoT Style Logo t-shirt was created by Cameron. Show the world that you're friendly when you set sail. You're not coming to sink anybody; you're just looking for Captain Blackeye and anthropomorphic stopwatches!
Description: Like hidden Pirate Treasure in some far-flung corner of a world, this special DK Vine logo was used on our site beginning in April of 2017 to celebrate the launch of Playtonic's debut game. While not as fashionable as underpants or a snake in trousers, it should still be acceptable for Hivory Towers' Casual Fridays. The DK Vine Y-L Style Logo t-shirt was created by Cameron and is only available here on TeePublic. What, do you think you can just run out and find it in a vending machine?
Description: The DK Vine logo in the style of our mid-2000s site aesthetic. When your head is set into space because you can't control your hype for Live & Reloaded or Banjo-Pilot, when you want to argue about the intent behind Jungle Beat, or you merely want to make passionate arguments about who deserves to be in Brawl. The DK Vine 2004-Style Logo t-shirt was created by Cameron based on the Neon logo we used from 2004 to 2010. Welcome to Space World. Let's go!
Description: The DK Vine logo in the style of our turn-of-the-millennium font and site aesthetic. Wear it to weather Bad Fur Days, as protection for voyages to Dinosaur Planet, or to simply show the world how excited you are for Donkey Kong Racing. The DK Vine 2001-Style Logo t-shirt was created by Cameron based on the Moldy Cheese font we used from 2001 to 2004. You don't need to worry about buying THIS out. When we have enough for everybody!
Description: The DK Vine logo in the style of our original font and site aesthetic. Pop this on when you want to party like it's 1999. I hope your school's computer lab hasn't blocked us yet! The DK Vine 1999-Style Logo t-shirt was created by Cameron based on the Jur-arse-ic Park font we used back in 1999 and 2000. Perfect for when you want to defend Donkey Kong 64 against hate-filled Internet critics!
Description: Deep in the Core of simian game fandom, DK Vine's Kongversation has awoken! Trade your fossils to the Styletone running TeePublic and unlock the shirt for Season 14 of the long-running DKU podcast. It'll be right at home in any Getaway! Britches and neckwear not included. The Kongversation (Season 14) t-shirt was designed by Dustin, aka the Fingers of Gold. Allow your Root to show and let the whole Underground World know that you groove to four-hour podcasts about apes.
Description: Deep in the Core of simian game fandom, DK Vine's Kongversation has awoken! Trade your fossils to the Styletone running TeePublic and unlock the shirt for Season 14 of the long-running DKU podcast. It'll be right at home in any Getaway! Britches and neckwear not included. The Kongversation (Season 14) t-shirt was designed by Dustin, aka the Fingers of Gold. Allow your Root to show and let the whole Underground World know that you groove to four-hour podcasts about apes.
Description: The revolution can also be a Rarevolution, so make it a Wearvolution by donning the shirt of the Kongversation's 13th season! No kings. No tyrants. Just the power of the people. Oh, and we've also invited some apes, monkeys, bears, squirrels, lizards, and bats. The Kongversation (Season 13) t-shirt was designed by Dustin and is perfect for protesting... as well as visiting a video game-based theme park or standing in line for the newest console.
Description: The revolution can also be a Rarevolution, so make it a Wearvolution by donning the shirt of the Kongversation's 13th season! No kings. No tyrants. Just the power of the people. Oh, and we've also invited some apes, monkeys, bears, squirrels, lizards, and bats. The Kongversation (Season 13) t-shirt was designed by Dustin and is perfect for protesting... as well as visiting a video game-based theme park or standing in line for the newest console.
Description: The Kongversation's 12th season can be your adventuring companion as you hunt for priceless artifacts (or just ride primate-themed roller coasters). The Kongversation (Season 12) t-shirt was designed by Dustin. Will it bring you fortune and glory? Probably not. It belongs in a Monkey Museum.
Description: Bring the Kongversation Season 11 with you whether you're traveling through time, space, time trials, or Subspace. Allons-y! The Kongversation (Season 11) t-shirt was designed by Dustin upon implicit instructions that he make the infamous barrel outhouse into a time machine. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey? No. Wrinkly Colliwobble Tricky Winky.
Description: Set sail for a day of adventure wearing the classic album artwork of the Kongversation Season 10! It depicts the crew of the Dreadfully Evil finding treasure on the shore... and the poor, unfortunate podcast host who died with it. SKELETON BEACH PARTY! The Kongversation (Season 10) t-shirt was designed by Dustin and stitched together from the blood-soaked sails of pirate crews who were slain by the skeletal hoards. What's that? Oh, I've just been notified by TeePublic that it's actually 100% combed ringspun cotton (the softest in the business!).
Description: Will wearing the classic album artwork of the Kongversation Season 9 bring you enlightenment? No. In fact, it will just confuse anyone you encounter who doesn't know about the DKU podcast. But it WILL bring you comfort, which is more than climbing a cliff in the hot sun can ever do. (Unless you're a lizard with sticky hands. No disrespect intended.) The Kongversation (Season 9) t-shirt was designed by Dustin and was the look of our podcast for 2021! The answers we sought back then have yet to be found, so it's not nostalgia if we can't ever move forward! The mantra of DK Vine.
