Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

Sometimes a little craziness can keep you from going over the edge.

Hollywood is skin-deep. Skin that's full of Botox and plastic surgery scars...

Dunking a donut is not just a privilege, it's also your right.

The universal word revered by humans and dogs alike. A word that cuts thru all the noise and gets right to the point..."TREAT!!"

It's all in your genes and yes, they do make you look fat...

Decaf is the joke that's never funny. Even your dog thinks so...

Coffee makes us feel alive. And more importantly...awake.

I went to a bar yesterday that didn't play any 70s music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Gardening is cool. Can you dig it?

Money paid to someone to prevent them from disclosing embarrassing or discreditable information.

It could be we're all part of an intergalactic marble game... Make Earth Day every day!

Your dog knows what you're up to. Your dog is very familiar with your little scam of breaking the treats in half...

You never know what you're going to dig up. You just need to know where...

If you love Rock 'N Roll, then you know. Disco still sucks...

New York is the city that never sleeps and it's filled with endless possibilities...

An expression of surprise in response to a positive occurrence, perhaps one thought to be unlikely. No way!

Chicago is the "Second City", "The Windy City" and most importantly the "City Of Big Shoulders."

Bigfoot can never find shoes in his size and he's very sensitive about it.

There are so many conspiracy theories to believe in, why pick just one? From Bigfoot, ghosts and aliens, to the Illuminati, Loch Ness Monster and Santa!

What do you call a constipated Sherlock Holmes? Exactly...

What does a bee get after drinking beer? Buzzed...

My doctor says I have a gambling problem. I asked if there was a cure and he said "No Dice"...

It just so happens that bad bowling puns are right up my alley...

Lobsters don't share. Lobsters are shellfish. Pass the butter...

Look, it's a big steaming pile. No Sh!T!

The voices in your head are a bad podcast and you can't unsubscribe...

When something is exceedingly obvious or apparent? No duh.

Why cause trouble if you don't need to? Let the sleeping demon sleep...

We're not Boomers and we're not Millennials. We were born between 1965 and 1980 and we get things done all by ourselves because that's how we were raised.

Lack of garbage. Lack of manure. There are many reasons for a fly to be down. It's just sad...

Life really is a mixtape. Just have a pencil ready, in case it unspools...

Hey gardeners, don't forget to wet your plants.

UFOs are here because aliens need us for their protein shakes...

Everybody is fighting something very powerful. Something that's tormenting and controlling. For me, it's cheese balls...

Whiskey inspires dancing around in your underwear to Bob Seger songs. Or so I have read...

You can pick your friend's brain but you can't pick your friend's nose...