Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

Sure, you might have a guardian angel but do you have a Martini Angel? A heavenly being who watches over all your cocktailing? Cheers!

If you love the warmth along with every click & pop of a vinyl record, not to mention the smell...I'm with you!

Don't react, reflect. Calm down and figure out what's going on before you do something you can't undo.

They say you are what you eat, right? 'See you at the drive-thru, meat head...

Does this chicken seem tough? Don't be a chicken. Be a tough, defiant chicken.

Happy Hour is the GREATEST OF ALL TIME. Raise a glass to the GOAT. Cheers!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Maybe you should just mind your own business...

If you don't cut the cake, it's only one piece. Follow me for more life hacks...

Beer is proof of a higher power. A higher power who loves us and wants us to be happy. Beer up!

There's nothing more punk than pie.

It's horrible to watch good cereal go bad...

When humans finally land on Mars, I'm sure there will be martinis. Happy Hour happens on every planet, right?

It's time for a new kind of superhero. There's no need to fear. Captain Martini is here!

London has the coolest werewolves with their perfect hair, tailored suits and fabulous cocktails. God save the King...

Cows are very good with money. If one ever gives you a "stock" tip, take it...

My swear jar actually swears, so it's always filled up...

If you're stressed, take that word and turn it into some delicious desserts!

Salsa is like a party in your mouth and when it's around, there is never any sadness!

It's not just carrots. All of the root vegetables are on your side. Go get 'em!

May your holidays be louder than Hell...

Radiation can create monsters. If it happened with a lizard, it can happen with a squirrel.

If you ever wait on a cow, you'll discover they're generous tippers. They really like to throw dough around!

There are definite disadvantages AND advantages when you're on the naughty list. Happy Holidays!

If you happen upon a folk singer during a toga party, feel free to smash his guitar...

All the world is a stage filled with technical difficulties. Please stand by.

Thanks to duct tape, nothing is completely broken. Duct tape fixes everything!!

Some of us have our own way of dealing with time changes and time zones. Cheers!

In the not-to-distant past, we kept are memories on floppy disc. And we liked it that way!

Karma. What goes around comes back around. Follow the arrows!

Sometimes it's instant & sometimes it takes it's sweet time. The never ending cycle of cause and effect is Karma.

UFO sightings aren't just for Nevada. Those little green guys love NYC cheesecake. I ain't too surprised...

A cocktail and its effect or consequences. That my friends, is Cocktail Karma.

Alligators always know when it's time to leave. Usually after a quick bite...

If you like metal, you know there is no weight limit.

The word "old" has many different meanings. Woof!

Coffee makes us happy. Not having coffee makes us grumpy.