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You schlepped her ungrateful behind to skating practice all these years and this is the thanks you get? No phone calls. No fruit cakes at Christmas. Not even birthday cards. You know who sends her mom lots of birthday cards? Even when it's not her birthday? Nancy! That's who!

Tags: mom, olympics, gay, lgbt, comedy

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Step back in time, to an era when long distance calls were expensive and cell phones folded in half. Only mix it up with the celebrity scandals and incarcerations of the time, and you've got yourself a look that screams "I'm nostalgic as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!"

Tags: telephone, lol, 90s, 80s, nostalgia

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Step aboard the U.S.S. Callister and submit to joining the team! Just watch out for Gillian from Marketing. Those fangs are sharp!

Tags: alien, fleet, black-mirror-season-4, streaming, pop-culture

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Congratulations, Black Mirror fan! You are a 99.8% match with this design. The expiration date of your relationship with this design is... RECALIBRATING... RECALIBRATING...

Tags: hang-the-dj, dating-app, tv, geek, nerd

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Wear the shirt that says, "You can come at me, Treasury Secretary, but be aware that I do not have time for your Mnuchin minutiae." Yes, future legendary children, the time has come for you to reclaim your time! Let Maxine Waters, the pied piper of progressivism, lead you to the promised land of democratic efficiency! YES WE CAN, just give me a second while I put on my new shirt.

Tags: pride, gay, illustration, reclaiming-my-time, congress

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Serve it chilled in the can or over ice. Serve it in the club while you swish swish on the dance floor. Serve it on your chest, big and bright, shouting to the world, "I'm addicted to Lacroix sparkling water!" Yes! You too can celebrate the one true flavor of Pamplemousse and look absolutely fabulous in the process! It's like pop art but with extra carbonation. It's like a cult but with fewer sacrifices (zero calories, people!). Anyway, crack one open and pour some out for the homies who are missing out on this design. Then get yourself this design! You'll like it... if it's a Lacroix. Be sure to check out the phone case. It's particularly sweet (even with zero added sweetener).

Tags: sparkling-water, water, french, retro, colorful

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It takes a lot of calories to work a full shift at the Gap. I mean, there's all that shirt folding, denim folding, leggings folding, skirt folding, shorts folding... oh, and jacket hanging! That's always fun. Of course nothing expends more calories than gossiping! So have a seat with Chris Farley and David Spade and spill yourself a pot of tea with your sensible meal. Just get it before things turn violent. OK?

Tags: saturday-night-live, gap, david-spade, diet, chris-farley

Description

Girl, have you clocked Susan Saranwrap's cliffhangers? I haven't seen such busted man hooves since Sharia Law stomped that stage. Of course Susan's drag mother is Tara Nass, so cliffhangers must run in the family. For real though, I think I see mountain goats jumping around her feet. And are they filming a Ricola commercial on her big toe? No! It's a Hoveround commercial. Aww, I love old people! Oh! She's coming. Hi, Susan! You look great!

Tags: fashion, pop-culture, cliffhanger, mountain-climbing, feet

Description

Girl, what part of "Take that thing off of your mouth" do you not understand? Cute look though. Very Victoria's Secret meets matador by way of Mortal Kombat at the Azusa Arcade. FIIIIISH!

Tags: lip-sync, provincetown, lgbt, queen, tv

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Come on, girls! We're gonna do the Freddy for a bunch of old people in order to get the *Kind to Old People* Wilderness Girl badge! Woo! T-R-O-O-P Troop Beverly Hills, woo! Again! T-R-O...

Tags: 80s-movies, 1980s, beverly-hills, troop, gay-pride

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In the lee of a picturesque ridge lies a small to extra large size t-shirt bearing a striking resemblance to Schitt's Creek's resident actress, Moira Rose. Careful though! Fruit wine stains.

Tags: catherine-o-hara, canada, tv, canadian, pop-culture

Description

She looks better than a 10 inch hoagie and you know it! You can't touch her, but she can touch you, if you buy this design. And she'd really love to touch you. Things you can do while showing off your new hoagiemouth design include: eating doggy chow; hooking; turning your nose up at brown rice and vegetables; hooking; sabotaging fellow performers; and hooking. If you're still not convinced, just follow the advice of my dear friend Jeff: you gotta gamble if you're gonna win. NOW THRUST IT! THRUST IT! Oh, and I'm not a stripper. I'm a dancer!

Tags: stripper, sexy-woman, 1990s, movie, cult-classic

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That's what I'm talking about! The ORIGINAL queen of the night. Don't let the scales fool you--she is a PRO-FES-SIO-NAL. I wonder who did her cheeks. They look good though, right? No her first name ain't Lady Gremlin, it's Greta. QUEEN if you're nasty.

Tags: drag, queen, greta, drag-queen, lgbt

Description

Step right up folks to the scariest strip club in the afterlife! It's Dante's Inferno Room! Unwind with a rubdown from one of our death-panel certified massage therrorists! Or enjoy a lap dance from the bottom half of a magician's assistant, just don't say the word "saw!" Seriously though, she may only be the lower half of a woman, but she can kick and her shoes are pointy. Worried about taking home a parting gift for the missus? Well don't you worry folks, because we have everything you need to take care of sexually transmitted demons. We'll send you home with antibiotics that will get rid of everything from bothersome parole officers to sandworms! But wait! There's more! If you mention the code "Hoagiemouth" at the door, we'll give you a 20% diskcount! (That's where we spend 20 years counting all the America Online compact discs cluttering the world's landfills). So don't you hesitate your hell-raisin' hooves and trot on over to Dante's Inferno Room, where civil servants drink free on all days ending in J.

Tags: nerd, horror, 90s, movies, humor

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Retro beef.

Tags: gay-bear, fitness, gym, lifting, workout

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Keep relying on that body!

Tags: art, kinky, fitness, sexy, jockstrap

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Dorothy Jane Torkelson: "Man on the moon, there was a lengthy discussion at the dinner table tonight about why I'm so enamored with leather daddies. Mama thinks it's because she always took in swarthy drifters, but I think it's my love of polishing shoes and my interest in truck stop cuisine and my fondness for amyl nitrite. What I mean to say, man on the moon, is that I love you because you're you. All 14.6 million square miles of you. Woof."

Tags: daddy, handsome, moon, leather, sexy

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Aaaaaand scene.

Tags: provincetown, porn, fetish, leather, piss

Description

You've had a crush on her since she was your substitute social studies teacher. You still fantasize about the way she nervously furrowed her brow whenever someone said the word "Ma." You couldn't have her then, but you have her now, as a tattoo on your bicep. Woof. You're Dorothy Zbornak's #1 student. Grade A beef.

Tags: gay, gay-bear, dorothy-zbornak, dorothy, pop-culture

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Lock lips

Tags: pride, queer, guys, naked, kiss

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911 what's your emergency?

Tags: san-francisco, beefcake, gay-bear, drag-queen, telephone

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So. Are you hairy? You got some heft to you? You just like menacing woodland predators? If you answered yes to any of these questions, congratulations, it's another hoagiemouth design you need to own!

Tags: gay-bear, gay-otter, pride, gay, lgbt

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You know, it's a cross between a sloth, a potato, a bottle nose dolphin and a muskrat. No? You think she's just an eager bottom? Yeah. Me too. Wear her with pride!

Tags: kink, fire-island, provincetown, bottom, gay-otter

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Bête please! What's not to love about this hairy hunk of man meat? When he walks into the room I say, "Je suis la jeune fille." I stroke his fur at a cost of $28.08 per month for 6 months in 1992 money. Yeah he's green, but can YOU count to three in three different languages? Je rest ma case.

Tags: gay, woof, 80s, retro, 90s

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Oh honey, what are we going to do with this hair? You say you didn't cut it yourself? Right. Must have been a mad scientist then. Ah well, I'm sure I can figure something out. Japanese hair straightening is a must. Leave-in conditioner might help, if you leave it in forever. And some hair dye for sure. I picture you as a firey red. WOAH! WOAH! OK. No fire. No fire. I get it. Jeez, lady. It's nothing to scream over. Not since I gave the Wolfman a mullet have I seen someone freak out like this. You're a feminist icon! Behave like one!

Tags: drag-queen, rupauls-drag-race, monster, scary, vintage

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Do you order up the sampler platter and snout those poppers like a truffle hunting sow? Do you send them back if they are not ooey and gooey enough? Do you want to see some stretch when you nibble? If you answered "That'll do, pig" to any of the preceding questions, congratulations! You're a poppers pig. Now stuff those jalapenos with cheese, batter 'em down, fry 'em up til they're golden brown, and pop 'em in your face hole while wearing this charming design as a bib! Only then will that do, pig.

Tags: food, peppers, pride, lgbt, gay

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Bust out your Gameboys, pop in that Tetris cartridge, and dance to the rhythms of that thumping midi theme song! It's Nintendo Bear Week, y'all! And look! Even the blocks are making a bear! Awww. Warning: this shirt is a burly nerd magnet! Wear it at your own frisk.

Tags: gamer, nerd, video-games, game, nintendo

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This woman, let's call her Nadomma, is not your b*tch, don't hang your sh*t on her. Of course you're always welcome to slap her pup with a riding crop, but please be gentle and on beat. Thank you.

Tags: music-videos, bdsm, kink, leather, 90s

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Are you the lanky hairy sort? Is your man the lanky hairy sort? Do you just like woodland animals? If you answered yes to any of these questions, congratulations, you need this design in your life.

Tags: lgbt, pride, furry, scruffy, typography

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Shh. Don't speak. I have questions. Are you thirstier than the average bear? Does your reputation for dirtiness precede you? Do you simply like barnyard animals? If you answered yes to any of the preceding questions, congratulations. Buy this. You pig!

Tags: barn, farm, piggy, animal, gay

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Samantha loves Joe. But Joe is a little... pink. How long will their tumultuous relationship withstand the desires tearing them asunder? Find out with this thrilling design of "The Pink Man."

Tags: pink, queer, love, colors, provincetown

Description

I call this... the tale of the t-shirt that everyone freaked out over.

Tags: afraid-of-the-dark, society, midnight, snick, camping

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Tired of the same old gaycations? Then travel to beautiful Jupiter! This is a gas giant that isn't afraid of showing off it's bubbly side. The days are only 9 hours long, which means you get to enjoy Jupiter's famous nightlife every 4.5 hours! That's how it works, right? Right! Meet a handsome local on one of Jupiter's many fabled beaches. Enjoy the indigenous cuisine. Or relax at one of Jupiter's luxurious five-star resorts. Warning: Jupiter's atmospheric conditions may not be suitable for all species, so speak to your doctor and decide if a Jupiter vacation is right for you. Jupiter: number five from the sun, number one in our hearts.

Tags: jupiter, alien, speedo, lgbt, provincetown

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What do people want more than a new single from Beyoncé? A cute ginger! Which means NOW is the time to show off your gingercorn status! Kick up them hooves, throw on some apparel by Hoagiemouth and power on that Beyoncé fan cause that ginger mane is thirsty for freedom, henny!

Tags: pride, gay, ginger, boystown, provincetown

Description

This isn't the Car Clamp Club! It's the cast of Absolutely Fabulous! We've got Edina, Patsy, Saffie, Bubble, and even Gram! And of course what's a Patsy without champagne? Wear this design and you'll be the center of attention at any of the following events: Frankie Knuckles CD-ROM Dance Happening; The PR-PR Person's Awards Dinner of the Month Lunch; your local ISO Tank; Brick'n'Brack'n'Nick'n'Knack'n'Things; and court!

Tags: patsy-stone, saffron, edina-monsoon, tv, gay

Description

I like it if it's a Lacroix! No, not Christian Lacroix! Lacroix sparkling water! (If you pronounce it Lacroy I'll send you to the bowels of the car clamp club.) You want Bubble? Lacroix has multiple bubbles! You want Patsy? Well, uh, they have passion fruit? And Pamplemousse! So close, right? Anyway, you can pick this design up at either TeePublic or Brick n Brack n Nick n Nack n Things.

Tags: lacroix, sweetie, edina-monsoon, patsy-stone, geek

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