Deadpan Phone Cases - iPhone and Android

Simple white letters on black background: "Es ist mir Wurst." German slang for "I don't care"; aka "Es ist mir egal". When you just couldn't care any less, and you don't care who knows it.

Simple white letters on black background: "I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS". Feelings?! I have ALL of them. And maybe a few new ones that no one's even heard of before. Dramatic? Maybe a bit.

Simple white letters on black background: "Do you mind if I have nachos during this?" Because it doesn't even matter what "this" is - a divorce appointment, a shower, raking leaves - it will be improved by nachos.

Simple white letters on black background: "I just want pockets." Why is this the biggest goal of the 21st century? Come on now, fashion industry, we just want pockets. Things go in them. They're useful. Pockets.

Simple white letters on black background: "I want to be invited, but I don't want to go." Ah, the introvert's endless conundrum: We want to feel loved, but we don't actually want to GO anywhere. Invite me, but let me stay home!

Simple white letters on black background: "Aunt Fancy". When you're this kind of auntie, you just know. You like things just so; you got your own style; you got the confidence - make way for Aunt Fancy.

Simple white letters on black background: "All hat, no cattle." If you've got a self-deprecating sense of humor, this could be the design for you. Got a lot of flash but not so much substance? Yeah, join the club.

Simple white letters on black background: "I just want pockets." Why is this the biggest goal of the 21st century? Come on now, fashion industry, we just want pockets. Things go in them. They're useful. Pockets.

Simple white letters on black background: Everything they say about me is true. Because you KNOW they're gossiping about me; I'm famous. Well, internet famous. Well, famous in my own mind.

How's your day going? Oh, just peachy! Maybe you're sunny and positive for reals, or maybe your sarcasm knows no bounds. You can decide for yourself with this retro slang in warm vintage colors.

Simple white letters on black background: "day drinker". Pandemic, the imminent heat death of the universe, and rampant ignorance got you down? Join the club. We're serving mimosas.

Simple white letters on black background: "I want to be in the room where the snacks are." In these apocalypse times, we have modest ambitions. Forget where it happens; I want to be in the room where the snacks are. Click boom.

Simple white letters on black background: "Going through the motions." If you're exhausted you're completely normal. It's been a helluva time. You're doing fine. Keep going.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am out of bed. I have better things do, like nap.

If at first you don't succeed, give up.

Simple white letters on black background: "[swear words]" Gahh! [swear words]! it's all so [adjective]!

Simple white letters on black background: "ambivert". It sounds fancy, right? You're neither introvert nor extrovert; you're a charming balance of both. That's what we'll tell everyone. Yeah.

Simple white letters on black background: "You can't cancel me, I'm already canceled." Well, for starters, "cancel culture" isn't a thing (beyond a right-wing scare word), but even if it was, I'm already canceled. Leave me alone.

You gotta be polite but things are crappy. Gosh darn it. Pass the tea. Saloon-style old west letters in bright pink and orange with sheriff stars; perfect for cowboys, cowgirls, and non-binary cowpersons everywhere.

Simple white letters on black background: "Fetch WILL happen." Don't stop trying to make fetch happen. Fetch WILL happen. Oh yes, it will.

Simple white letters on black background: "cat lady". It's kinda come full circle, hasn't it? Cat ladies used to be misunderstood and looked down upon, whereas now it's something to aspire to. Cat lady and proud.

Melville's classic anti-hero Bartleby is known for his catchphrase: "I would prefer not to". Whether you're tongue in cheek or serious, if the answer is NOPE and LEAVE ME ALONE, this is for you. Available in other colors.

Simple white letters on black background: "Biting my tongue." Because sometimes even when you have all the opinions, no words are the best words. Even when there's tea, there's a time to keep quiet.

Simple white letters on black background: "Got smallpox? Me neither. Thanks science!" Science beats your opinion, and your YouTube diving, and what racist Uncle Tucker said at dinner. Get vaxxed. Be healthy. That's science.

Simple white letters on black background: "I am fun." Does it help to tell people in advance how fabulous you are? Let's find out, shall we?

Simple white letters on black background: "Mom, can you come pick me up?" I've had enough party and I've eaten enough cake and I'm tired and I'm ready for bed. For introverts and ambiverts and anyone who's had enough peopling.

Simple white letters on black background: "How many is too many cats?" It's a rhetorical question, of course. Because as long as you can take care of them, there's no such thing as too many cats. Cat lady? Rejoice!

Simple white letters on black background: "Luddite". Don't show me your new-fangled Twitters. I'm happy with my typewriter.

Simple white letters on black background: I know words. I have the best words. When The Former Guy (y'know, 45, that one) claimed this there was no adequate response. Except to put it on a t-shirt, of course.

Simple white letters on black background: "[dissociating]". Sometimes you just need to be left alone to do what you do. Socially anxious? Introvert? Wear it with pride.

Simple white letters on black background: "geriatric millennial". Look, don't bristle at it; embrace it. There's nothing wrong with growing old and with all the damage those boomers are doing, you might be the last generation that gets to.

You're on mute. The WFH saying of the decade.

Simple white letters on black background: "Katie Porter's whiteboard stan account." When Katie Porter brings out the whiteboard, all those idiots better STFU. We stan.

Simple white letters on black background: "Katie Porter's whiteboard stan account." When Katie Porter brings out the whiteboard, all those idiots better STFU. We stan.

Me? Never happier.

"salty" in black Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter font styles. Because being salty is a long and glorious tradition and you should wear it like a badge of honor. There's a LOT to be salty about these days. Also available in white.