Deadpan Phone Cases - iPhone and Android

Simple white letters on black background: "potato seeking couch". For introverts and ambiverts and those who just want to stay home in their jammies and watching TV and eat grilled cheese. Ah, that's the life.

Simple white letters on black background: "#octothorpetag". See, it's funny because it relies on niche knowledge of obscure punctuation. OK, maybe that's in the eye of the beholder.

Simple white letters on black background: "Mom, can you come pick me up?" I've had enough party and I've eaten enough cake and I'm tired and I'm ready for bed. For introverts and ambiverts and anyone who's had enough peopling.

Simple white letters on black background: "approx 12% torta". Trust Mexico to come up with the best sandwich! Crema, guacamole, carne asada, pork leg, frijoles... what will you choose? Add that red chipotle salsa to make it amazing!

Simple white letters on black background: "my back hurts". Some days it's because you did too much; some days you just slept wrong! Why can't we all go on being young and invincible forever?

"This is my second rodeo" in black old west letters. I got my boots on, I know what time the mutton bustin' starts, and I might even buy me a funnel cake. This ain't my first rodeo, y'all. Available in other styles and colors.

Living my okayest life.

You're alright - let's not get too sentimental.

Boots n cats n boots n cats: A quick and easy phrase for beatbox beginners. Say it fast and you'll be beatboxing in no time. A tongue in cheek design for music lovers and others who like wordplay. Available in other colors.

White letters on black: "Luddite". Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter styles, to really look the part. If you'd prefer a steam engine and a pedal-powered phone, this is for you.

I don't know. I just got here.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Simple white letters on black background: "Highly caffeinated." Consider it an ingredient label, or maybe a recommendation. Highly caffeinated at all times. Maybe not while sleeping. But maybe so; I'm not judging.

"I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything." Charles Darwin wrote it in 1861 but it's just as true today. Eugh, it's too peoplely out there and everything sucks. Variants in color and typeface available.

Do you plan your day around naps? Do you think about the next nap during the current one? Could you win an award ribbon or even a trophy because your naps are just that stellar? Yes, this was designed with you in mind.

Simple white letters on black background: "Luddite". Don't show me your new-fangled Twitters. I'm happy with my typewriter.

Boots n cats n boots n cats: A quick and easy phrase for beatbox beginners. Say it fast and you'll be beatboxing in no time. A tongue in cheek design for music lovers and others who like wordplay. Available in other colors.

Simple white letters on black background: "slightly above average". You're the world's okayest; you don't have to be top, you just have to be above the mean line. And y'know, half the world is below average, so you're doing OK.

Simple white letters on black background: "hoi polloi". It sounds kinda fancy, right? "Join the hoi polloi for some polo, what, old chap?" But no. It means the masses; the common people; the poors. You and me, as it happens.

This is my second rodeo

Simple white letters on black background: "I invented the question mark". No one could even ask questions before that! Just make exclamations! Because bragging's better when it's totally absurd and ridiculous.

"You're terrible Muriel" (colors + spots) - whether you're a jealous sister gloating over someone getting in trouble, or just want to remember an iconic 90s line, this could be for you. Available in other colors and styles.

Simple white letters on black background: "It's a grilled cheese kinda day." Some might say that it needs to be cold, grey, and wintery, but y'know, EVERY DAY is a grilled cheese kinda day if you want it to be. Because grilled cheese is the best.

Simple white letters on black background: "I wish you well". You might mean this for real, or maybe it's the equivalent of "bless your heart" for the dude who ran into you on the ski slopes and now wants to sue you.

"Luddite" in black Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter font styles, to really look the part. If you'd prefer a steam engine and a pedal-powered phone, this is for you. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "geriatric millennial". Look, don't bristle at it; embrace it. There's nothing wrong with growing old and with all the damage those boomers are doing, you might be the last generation that gets to.

Simple white letters on black background: "[barbaric yawp]". Sometimes, like Uncle Walt, you want to actually sound your barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world; other times you can wear it ironically (or not!) on a shirt.

This human does not support social interaction.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'd rather be in New Zealand." I mean, who wouldn't?! They got every landscape known to humans, AND Jacinda Ardern, AND they smacked covid every which way from Sunday. Go Kiwis. We envy you.

Melville's classic anti-hero Bartleby is known for his catchphrase: "I would prefer not to". Whether you're tongue in cheek or serious, if the answer is NOPE and LEAVE ME ALONE, this is for you. Available in other colors.

Gothic white letters (blackletter): "geriatric millennial". Look, don't reject it; embrace it. There's nothing wrong with growing old and with the damage boomers are doing, you might be the last generation that gets to. Yay. Also available in black.

Gothic white letters (blackletter): "geriatric millennial". Look, don't reject it; embrace it. There's nothing wrong with growing old and with the damage boomers are doing, you might be the last generation that gets to. Yay. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "Trump lost. Biden won. Wear a mask. Shut up." You can listen to Fox News, or you can care about truth - you can't have both. Time to rejoin reality, folks.

Simple white letters on black background: "I used to be cool". A story as old as time. Someday they'll change what 'it' is on you, too. Ah, being cool is for kids ... let 'em have it.

Simple white letters on black background: "[gay judgment]". Are any more words needed? Didn't think so.

Simple white letters on black background: "queso sparks joy". Don't let Marie Kondo clear the chips, queso, or salsa out of your house. If you don't feel happy yet, you probably haven't added enough cheese.