Tapestries
The Kid Tapestry
$30
Description: In 1977, film producer Moe Brown shocked the world with one of the most controversial films of all time. Vampire Cheerleaders On Acid combined psychedelia with hardcore horror and softcore pornography, creating (as one reviewer called it) “the most depraved exercise in moral degradation”. The film was banned in every country on the planet after screening in selected theatres in the United States for a short period, and the only original, uncut 3-D print of the film is still in the possession of writer and star Anastasia O’Keefe.
Description: If you elude capture by terrorist thieves whilst at an office Christmas party in Nakatomi Plaza, here’s some free advice. Don’t leave your shoes behind in the mayhem – you’ll need them later. Stay out of the air-conditioning vents – your movements inside create too much noise. Keep off the roof of the building – it’s a favourite terrorist hangout and sloppy FBI agents may crash a helicopter there. And lastly, it is always best to maintain a sense of humor throughout such an ordeal, so don’t shy away from contacting the terrorist leader on two-way radio and calling him names.
Description: Planning to visit Aspen, California? This little hog is the only way to travel.
70MPG Tapestry
$30
Description: India. In that part of the world monkey brains are a delicacy, just as Cheetos may be a delicacy to someone in the West. And whilst conservative tastes may baulk at chowing down on a portion of simian brain, most Indians of the Kali persuasion would delight at such a rare culinary treat. So don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
Description: Japan. Land of sushi, saki and samurai. It’s also where the babe in the yellow and black leather has come to grab a kick-ass sword from a legendary craftsman and hunt down the bitch that left her for dead back in the States. But she’ll have to hack her way through the Crazy 88 first, even though there ain’t really 88 of ‘em.
Description: Zombies, zombies, zombies! There’s a zombie in your backyard. Zombies moaning in the streets. Zombies have probably taken over the entire country. So, the only logical place to go in the midst of the zombie apocalypse is the local pub. Free ale, a relaxing atmosphere, and a cricket bat for protection. What else do you need?
Description: Yo, sax man, blow into your reed. Play me a tune, something that reaches deep into the gut enticing the loins. Give me some soul. Play me some deep, dirty dirge of sexual revolution. Or just give me some order of melancholy, for that sax appeal oozing from your pores is like a velvet glove for my appetite.
Description: Welton Academy Prep School has a long proud history of academic achievement, fostered through the strict hand of discipline. So of course it is the perfect playground for a group of wilful kids to create some innocent anarchy. Guided by the words of the venerable Uncle Walt, they skip into the woods at night and see the Congo creeping through the black, cutting through the forest with a golden track.
Description: She is the Ancient Egyptian goddess of motherhood, fertility and magic. Mother of Horus to her brother Osiris, resurrecting the latter after he has murdered by Set. Worshipped in Greece and Rome, she is the goddess of nature and protector of the dead.
Isis Tapestry
$30
Description: Jack Mainwaring sure did warn ‘em. Having trawled the Bering Sea for fifty years, Jack had seen just about everything the sea had to offer. He even claimed to have seen the fabled giant squid. Sitting at the bar in the Green Mollusk Hotel, Jack warned the crew of the Mary Buchman to be wary of the giant sea creature before they set out from port – for it is out there and has been devouring maritime vessels and their crew for centuries. Of course, no one believed him, until the Mary Buchman and her crew were never seen again.
