Don’t settle for a dodgy wig that’s gonna come off at the wrong time. Get yourself down to Queens and visit Morrie’s Wig Shop, right next door to the Suite Nite Club. This guy’s wigs are tested against hurricane winds (so important!) and are guaranteed to stay on your cranium (unless you’re being assaulted by a local wiseguy).
As though they wish to see a glimpse of what the heat would be like Hades, old folks move to Florida in their retirement years. They have air-conditioning, but rarely use it. They eat dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon and squabble amongst themselves. And when their kids come to visit, they lay out the sofa bed with the annoying bar running down the centre of the mattress, denying any living thing a good night's sleep.
There is only one thing wrong with Santa Carla – the place is crawling with vampires. Oh, and some hideous 1980s fashion. But if you insist upon moving there, take heed and keep to yourself. Falling in with the Surf Nazi crowd will put you squarely on the vampire late supper menu. Mess with the vampires themselves and you’ll be drinking red “wine” from an antique flask and hallucinating that your noodles are actually worms.
In 1977, film producer Moe Brown shocked the world with one of the most controversial films of all time. Vampire Cheerleaders On Acid combined psychedelia with hardcore horror and softcore pornography, creating (as one reviewer called it) “the most depraved exercise in moral degradation”. The film was banned in every country on the planet after screening in selected theatres in the United States for a short period, and the only original, uncut 3-D print of the film is still in the possession of writer and star Anastasia O’Keefe.