Deadpan Phone Cases - iPhone and Android

Simple white letters on black background: "private slogan - please do not read." When your sense of humor is just absurdist and ridiculous - but it still makes people laugh.

Simple white letters on black background: "Always judging." Some people just know what's best. It's not like we can help being superior.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'll rise but I won't shine". When you're exhausted, and tired of people, and of the world. But at the end of the day there's always the couch and a blanket!

Simple white letters on black background: "Uncle Fancy". When you're this kind of uncle, you just know. You like things just so; you got your own style; you got the confidence - make way for Uncle Fancy.

Meme: "crikey" in pastel rainbow repeated letters. It's old and corny and yet it's retro and hip at the same time. So channel your fave Australian with this design.

Simple white letters on black background: "don't read the comments". Just... don't. There are people who think their opinions are facts; there are trolls; the worst of humanity hangs out in the comments. Stay serene; avoid the comments.

What? It's true.

Simple white letters on black background: "if you can't be good, be careful". When your angel halo's slipping a little and you just have to be pragmatic about what's possible and realistic.

"Oi mate, you up for a merry Christmas?" "Oh yes, mate, I'm dead jolly." Join the sarcastic and snarky (yet still jaunty!) Santa skeleton with holiday greetings for any time between Halloween and New Year. Other colors available.

Simple white letters on black background: "Stacey Abrams stan account." She's a force to be reckoned with, and Stacey Abrams just getting started. We stan.

A dry humour gift for that special someone!

Simple white letters on black background: "Bless your heart." Well bless your sweet heart, honey! Maybe you even think I'm being sincere.

Simple white letters on black background: "Die mad about it." I just don't even care about that, Karen. Die mad about it.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'd rather be in New Zealand." I mean, who wouldn't?! They got every landscape known to humans, AND Jacinda Ardern, AND they smacked covid every which way from Sunday. Go Kiwis. We envy you.

Simple white letters on black background: "Didn't try to overthrow the government." Look, you might not have a lot to be proud of, but if you didn't try to demolish democracy on January 6 and you're generally anti-autocrat and anti-racist, you're OK.

SO READY FOR THE AIRING OF GRIEVANCES + Festivus pole. We need little anti-advent calendars to help us count down to Festivus. Maybe with a tiny liquor bottle behind each door. And then feats of strength. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "Your secrets are safe with me. Because I will instantly forget them." Go on, tell me ANYTHING. I couldn't tell anyone else even if I wanted to. Who are you again?

this is my second rodeo old vintage

Never.

Simple white letters on black background: "At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I'd just go." How much worse could it get, realistically? Meh.

Simple white text on black background: "K." Some generations know how devastating a reply this is to receive; others are oblivious. But we're done here. K.

Simple white letters on black background: "This is definitely the stupidest timeline." The first pandemic in a century, an attempted insurrection, maskholes, and relentless lying, are definitely part of the stupidest timeline. At least, we hope. Egad.

Simple white letters on black background: "Graaaains. - vegan zombie". Get freekeh with the grains! Heh. Ain't no bad joke like a dad joke (because people aren't sure if vegans are joking or not).

Simple white letters on black background: "I just hate it when people". Ehhhh. Don't even need to finish the sentence, right? People. Just - ugh. Who said "Hell is other people"?

Simple white letters on black background: "corncob". Cut to the chase for those times when you have to insist you're not owned but you can feel the shrinking and transformation taking place.

Portrait of tired boy. Son of fearful man.

I licked them clean, I swear

Classic portrait of a woman, Isabella Wolff, by Sir Thomas Lawrence, from the early 1800s. Vintage artwork modernized by the addition of a deadpan caption in bright neon pink: "I simply cannot even". Find more updated art in this store: Planet Snark.

Simple white letters on black background: "drama in real life". Maybe you're a theater buff! Maybe you're a little bit dramatic! Maybe wild stuff just keeps happening to you, for real! Lean into it, drama queen (or king).

Simple white letters on black background: "approx 12% boba". When you drink so much bubble tea and consume so many tapioca pearls that you're basically made of them. All percentages approximate.

Simple white letters on black background: "cantankerous". Curmudgeons and grumps and grouches, unite! Drink a toast to "bah humbug" and "get off my lawn" and practice your muttering to keep your hand in.

"You're terrible Muriel" (white retro letters) - whether you're a jealous sister gloating over someone getting in trouble, or just want to remember an iconic 90s line, this could be for you. Available in other colors and styles.

Simple white letters on black background: "44 - 404 - 46". 404. President 45 not found. But can we offer you a 46? Better in every single capacity.

Simple white letters on black background: "I regret nothing." Not even that bad tattoo, that says "no regerts". Or "I refuse to sink" with an anchor. Yeah, it's bad. Still, keep moving forward.

At This Point, If A Clown Invited Me Into The Woods I'd Just Go Saying Typography

Simple white letters on black background: "approx 12% taco". They're a cult food for a reason! Classic and perfect, whether you fill them with eggs and ham, or go with chorizo, al pastor, barbacoa, birria, nopales... ay!