Snark Central

Abracadabra! A Labrador retriever who can do magic. The friendliest possible wizard. Dog lovers' magic spell

to a joke about social distancing. A dad joke for the quarantine. "dad joke"

a vegetarian zombie

next to your personal lube

while you're doing it? If only we knew a bit earlier...

unless that new experience is a tiger

don't appear in bubbles over our heads

and you get tomatoes

Or, did you get a defective one.

Information goes into it and is never seen again

but please stop drooling

All purpose design for any situation. Whenever you don't want to be there, you have this.

...you don't really need me to answer that for you, do you? Weird spiritual humor.

Doesn't mean I'm ready to do things

they wouldn't

don't forget to take your brain.

does not make an emergency on my part. Get your act together. I can't rehearse your lines for you.

I'm aging like milk.

in the end. If everything is not all right, it's not the end. Reassurance, encouragement, it's going to be okay.

Every Sinner has a Future. Don't judge, you don't know.

is Desserts... but you knew that. Chocolate cake for everyone.

You're the only one qualified

always fail magnificently!

But I know an asshole when I see one.

should not be attempted lightly

I'm just really good at finding out how things don't work.

all I did was take a day off.

It means a lot. I know, it's a horrible pun, but that's what I'm here for.

and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

I would never get anything done. I procrastinate, delay, wait, put it off, stall, and otherwise fritter around until the very last possible second.

is never wasted. Good boy! Puppy with a red ball to play with and fetch

and I want to use them right away. Antisocial doesn't begin to cover it.

a mouth full of live crickets! How fun can insects be? Let's find out...

are caused by other people.

if you act like a creep. You have been warned. Take the warning seriously creepy stalker person.

Let's do it.